5/29/19

Today I listened to a podcast with Jodi Moore from Better than Happy.  The podcast was titled, "Obedience".  She had just spoken at BYU Women's Conference, so she shared a recap of what she spoke about there.  She talked about disobedience and how guilt is a motivator to change, but when we allow it to morph into shame, it actually holds us back.  She told a story of how she was on a business trip and was at the airport and needed to head up an escalator.  Their was a sign that said those with luggage should take the elevator, but once she saw others heading up the escalator with their luggage, she decided to go up too.  She had two roll away bags, a larger one and a smaller one.  As she went to go up, she got caught and fell backwards on her bags.  Once she got up, she realized that the bags were larger than the entrance to the escalator.  And when she was getting pulled backwards by the bags, she didn't let go of them.  She held on tight.  She related this to repenting.  During this time she had been going through the repentance process and was not feeling the weight being lifted off her like she thought she could.  As she thought about this experience on the escalator, she realized that the moment she had gone to her bishop to repent, that Heavenly Father had forgiven her.  She was the one holding herself back, holding onto the past and not moving forward.  She said the escalator was bringing her up from the basement into the light, but she allowed the bags to hold her back.

She talked a lot about shame and how shame makes us hide and do things in secret.  It tells us we aren't worthy and makes us wonder about our worth.  We think how could we make this mistake, why would we make a mistake.  People don't do this.

I thought a lot about my past.  I have often felt overwhelming shame.  I have wondered why I would ever have made the mistakes I did.  How does someone like me that had the knowledge I have, do the things I did?  Thinking about these things has actually kept me up at night.  As I listened to Jodi talk about these things today, I was moved to tears.  I feel like the shame I have felt has kept me from moving forward.  Satan keeps me down whenever I look backwards and dwell on who I was, not who I am.

Today was a beautiful day.  The boys and I spent so much time outside enjoying the cool, sunny weather.  We had a picnic, the boys road bikes and dug for bugs.  We watched the landscapers redoing the neighbors yard.  I chatted with Grandma Jones and Rashna.  The boys went to Graham Knight's birthday party and Mason and I took a walk until it started raining really hard on us.
Tonight the older boys went with David to deliver flowers with the youth and then Mason and I joined later to play outside and eat cake and ice cream.

Memorial Day (5/27/19)

The boys ALL slept in until 8:30 ish.  That never happens.  But, obviously they needed it.  I got to have a few quiet hours to myself in the am.  We went up to Snowpine Lodge in Alta to spend time with our friend's, the Pratt's.  Dave's family owns the lodge, so he invited a bunch of people up there to stay the night and hang out the next day.  We did go up the night before, but we spent all day there. We swam, played toys, played in the arcade, chatted and ate lunch.  The boys had fun all day and it was great to catch up with the Pratt's.  It was supposed to rain/snow, but the weather ended up being perfect.  And swimming with the snowcapped mountains surrounding you was beautiful.
Mason loved playing the Skee ball machine and he threw the balls over and over again.  If he actually made it over the hump, whether or not he got any points, he'd say, "Yes!".
All the boys loved the arcade and Porter would have stayed there all day if we let him.
We devoured fries and burgers from the restaurant for lunch and I'm pretty sure it was a perfect day for the boys.

Careful versus Casual (5/26/19)

Our lesson during RS was on a talk from conference, Careful versus Casual.  The talk was given by Becky Craven.  It was interesting to hear people's thoughts, but most interesting to reflect upon my own life.  In what ways am I too casual with those things that matter most.  As I've been reading the Come Follow Me material, it has begun to talk about the Second Coming and how even some of the elect will be deceived.  For me, I think some of my deception will come in allow myself to become too casual, but thinking I am okay.
During class individuals were talking about not to do things out of fear.  Alex Price spoke in Sacrament Meeting and she mentioned a quote about how those that are obedient will receive blessings, but those that are exactly obedient will see miracles.  I thought about this quote a lot during the lesson.  I feel like the same applies to be careful versus casual.  If I read my scriptures to check off the box, I'm sure there are blessings I receive, but the miracle of pondering and feasting upon the words will be missed.
To me, being careful means: thoughtful, intentional, deliberate, choosing.  This applies to how I pray, read my scriptures, treat others, treat my relationships, attend the temple, serve and share the gospel, fulfill my callings, etc.  It is more than just being a "good" or "kind" person.  I remember hearing a friend years ago say that she just wanted her kids to grow up and be kind.  I would love this also, but I want more than that for my kids.  Them being kind should be a product of their relationship with their Heavenly Father and our Savior.  This relationship will develop from "careful" choices and actions throughout their lives.  I want them to know who they are are and to see the gifts that they have been given.  Then to use those gifts to do His work.
Am I being the example of this to my kids?  I don't think so.  I have a lot to think about a work on so that I am not deceived.  So that I am ready when the Savior comes again.  I want to be.

5/25/19

Today was a great day!  The weather was warmer and it was SUNNY! We’ve had so much rain lately, so we spent s lot of time outside today.
While I was at the gym, David and Porter cleaned the fridge! It looks so good.
We picked peonies, filled vases and delivered flowers to friends and neighbors.  We met and chatted for awhile with a neighbor down the street, Cindy.
During our flower delivery we dropped by the Murdock’s and checked out the duck sitting on her eggs in their backyard.
Ollie and Jonas played.  David did yard work.  Porter played at the Kirry’s and Mason and I hung out in the front yard at Grandma Jones’s with Heidi and Connor Wible.  It was so relaxing and a perfect Saturday.
Barbie (Griffis) called me to come help. She’s about 12 weeks pregnant and so sick.  She was just started on an IV around the clock.  I have been wondering how I can help besides having Ollie over as much as I can.  So, when she was having problems with her IV, I got to help fix the problem.  I was so glad to see her, tell her I love her and help do a few things for her.  Now I know what’s going on, so I plan to stop by more regularly and know what other things I can help with.
Yesterday, Heidi Wible watched Mason and Jonas so I could go to the temple.  It was wonderful to be there and when I came home Mason and Jonas played so well together for about an hour and while they did, I was able to read the Ensign and start read a book about symbols.  After being in the temple, I had a desire to study more about temples and some of the specific things that were talked about during the initiatory.
Tonight we invited friends and neighbors over for a last minute bonfire and s’mores roasting.  The weather was perfect and the kids played their little hearts out.  And surprisingly, despite the large amount of kids, there were minimal tears and lots of having fun.  I kind of didn’t want to do it because I wanted to prepare for Sunday, but we were still able to get everything ready once people left.  I am now ready for the Sabbath day and it feels great.

5/17/19

David and I had the chance to attend the sealing of a young man from our ward, Matt Wilcox.  Being in the temple is always a peaceful place to be and I never leave wishing I hadn't gone.  As I listened to the counsel of the sealer before hand and then listened to the words of the sealing ordinance, my heart was touched.  The sealer spoke about the angels that were in attendance and he testified that some of those angels there were their children that would come in the future.  I had never specifically thought about this in the past and I know I didn't think about this on the day of my sealing, but I loved having that visual of these spirits witnessing the eternal union.  These spirits not having the veil over their eyes and knowing more than we do at that moment.  I am grateful for God's plan.  The sealer also spoke of Adam and Eve and how on the 6th day, when man and women were created, God came down for that day.  We are His greatest creations and families were started from the beginning.
During the reception later that night I watched as there was a daddy/daughter dance with the bride and her father and then a mother/son dance with the groom and his mother.  I know this seems so far away since our boys are so young, but I know that before we realize, our own little boys will grow up and become men.  They will head out on missions and begin families of their own.  Right now there are so many things I think I am screwing up.  Do they know I love them?  Will they only remember the "angry/frustrated mom"?  Am I teaching them that Heavenly Father loves them?  Am I seeing their spiritual gifts and who they really are?  Do I remember that their spirits are mature and even though they are housed in these young bodies, their spirit was in heaven with me?  They fought that war in heaven alongside me and we all chose to follow our Savior, Jesus Christ.  How can I help them use their agency here to follow Him again?
I worry about the paths they may take in the future.  I watch David's brothers and his sister take the hard road, the one away from the covenant path and I know that my boys carrying those genes.  But, then again I reminded that so does David and he has chosen to follow the covenant path.  I know I can't control the choices my boys make and sometimes the hard road is the path they may travel at different times, but it is so painful to watch those you love struggle and not have peace.
This pregnancy I have definitely been more tired.  My patience has waxed thin and I have wondered how can I become a mother to more children.  I feel like I spend so much time reprimanding and responding to the negative that I don't take the time to highlight the positive and when my boys are obedient.
Also, I have been frustrated with David lately.  He always has so many things going on.  I never feel like I can ask for what I need because he is so busy himself.  I need to work on my feelings of resentment that his time is not constrained the same way that mine is.  He doesn't need to coordinate child care to go do things.  If he wants to go to the temple, he arranges his schedule to go.  If he wants  to take a nap, he'll get up and go take a nap.  He does so much good and he doesn't waste his time, so it's hard to find justification with my frustration.  And, I know that I chose to change my mindset.  I can find solutions to my problems.  I can be independent.  This frustration I have with David carries over into my interactions with the boys.  My goal is to work on this.

5/16/19

Yesterday I had another ultrasound. Baby boy is looking good and still growing strong.  He was kicking the probe and the sonographer was pressing on my stomach.  I can’t wait to see what he is like.
He’ll fit right in here.

The weather turned really cool today and has been raining tonight.  I love it.  I gave the boys haircuts and they look so handsome.  I don’t cut Porter’s hair anymore because I’m not sure how much wrath I can handle!

I took time while I was doing stuff around the house and the boys were preoccupied to listen to the talks this week for “Come Follow Me”.  They made me think and reflect on my own life.  I was reminded of how merciful God is.  Elder Holland gave a talk entitled, “The Laborers in the Vineyard”.  I just was so touched at the end of his talk about how much God loves us and how much he wants to extend his mercy to us.  I was reminded that if I ask Heavenly Father, “What Lack I Yet”, the spirit will give me specific counsel for my life.  And if I act in faith, He will continue to lead me along.

5/15/19

Tonight was one of those nights where I was not in control of my emotions.  I'm not sure what my problem was, but my fuse was incredibly short.  I was trying to book flights and a hotel for our trip to Mesa, put the boys to bed and help Porter take a bath.  Mason hadn't napped and Jonas took a massive nap yesterday, but didn't sleep as long last night, so I really wanted them to go to bed a little earlier.  My frustration rises when that doesn't happen.  Then I was working with David on checking out hotels (he was at work), in the meantime Mason is bringing cereal boxes downstairs and Jonas and him made a mess with cereal.  Sometimes I know I need to stop, focus on what matters and readjust my thinking, but instead I just let the natural man take over.  I can feel the frustration inside of me bubbling out.  Someday I will master it.  Someday I will clearly shift and stay calm.

Mother's Day Weekend (5/10-5/12/19)

Gayle basically stepped in as grandma this weekend and took care of us all weekend.  I probably have never written about how Gayle fits into our lives.  When we lived at The Wilshire in Salt Lake after we first moved here, she was our neighbor.  Initially we only knew her husband, Chuck, but after several months of living there, we got to know Gayle.  She instantly fell in love with Porter.  We would spend almost every afternoon at her house once she got home from work until dinner time.  When we moved away she was heartbroken, but our relationship didn't end there.  She has become part of our family and as we have more children, she loves each of them as if she were their grandma.  Friday she stopped by after work and we ended up heading to her place to hang out and eat pizza.  Saturday she took Jonas and Porter to see a movie at the Gateway Mall while Mason and I played at Discovery Gateway.
I loved getting to be at Discovery Gateway with just Mason.  We got to do whatever he wanted to do and he just enjoys life.  He squeals and smiles often and is constantly on the move.  We collected balls and sent them up the shoot over and over again.  We watched the live beehive and wondered where the bees where flying to.  We played with the fish in the water and he tried to collect them all, but I made him share with another boy playing there.  I'd sneakily throw a few fish back in so another kid could play and he'd go after them again and again.  We shopped at the grocery store.  He only shopped the produce section and he loved ringing up each item.  Then he'd go put everything back where it belonged and start all over.  We attempted playing basketball together and then he "flew" the airplane while he enjoyed his lunch.  He is quite the multi-tasker.  I love being with Mason.  I love listening to him talk and explore this world.
I don't know if I ever recorded an experience I had with him the other night.  It was way past his bedtime and he would not go to bed.  He had already come up several times and I was frustrated.  The level of frustration increases as it gets later and later.  He came up again and usually I send him back downstairs by himself.  But, this particular time I was able to stop and slow down as he stuck his little (big bear cub paw) hand out for me to take.  Heavenly Father gave a moment of perspective and peace.  I grabbed my little boy's hand tenderly in mine and walked downstairs with him.  His little hand won't reach out for mine forever and I was so grateful that the spirit helped me stop and see him.  I am so grateful to be his mother.
After a late lunch at pizza kitchen, we played at Gayle's again and then came home right as David got home from work.  After dinner we sat out on the lawn together.  Porter and I had done a mad lib from his kid's national geographic magazine and I was reading it to the boys.  There was a lot of poop and pee language that the boys thought was hilarious.  They were laughing so hard and asked me to read it again and again.  The weather was perfect and I was surrounded by my little family and their giggles of pure joy.  I took that moment and I bottled it up.
David had to work today, so he arranged for Ashley to come over and make breakfast for me.  Porter was beyond excited.  Mason and Jonas slept in until 8 am.  Porter was up at 6:15, but he snuggled next to me in bed until Ash got there at 7:15.  I loved watching him get so excited to do something nice for me.  He reminded me a little of myself as a kid.  I would get so excited just like that and I could not keep a secret about something I was so excited about.
Ashley made a delicious breakfast and hung out for a couple of hours. Porter and Jonas played really well together and Porter was complimenting Jonas on his lego building skills.  He even went so far as to tell Jonas he was better and building Legos than himself.  That was a huge compliment.
Generally on Sundays it is a struggle to get Porter dressed and out the door.  We can have a perfectly great morning up until that point.  Well, it looked like we were going to have a repeat of Sundays past, but I said, "Please don't ruin my mother's day."  And, then Porter told Jonas he was going to get dressed and he did!  I was so very grateful for this.  The boys were all ready and we even got to leave a little early.  David had been able to slip away from work to go to church, so he'd come home to help me get the boys ready only to find out they were already ready!!!
There was a talk by Jacquelyn Rawson in sacrament meeting today.  She talked about the Savior and how he is the perfect example of how to be a mother.  The way he nurtures, loves, gathers, teaches, etc.  She made us think about the perspective our children have about the exceptions we have for them and helped us think about the expectations our Father in Heaven has for us and how we sometimes don't see the eternal perspective and that his ultimate goal is for our joy and eternal exaltation.
The discussion in RS led by Carrie Johnson was also fabulous.  It was based on Elder Ucthdorf's recent talk on missionary work.  She asked us to think about a recent special moment/experience that we shared with someone.  She asked us what was in our hearts about the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Then she asked us why we come to church.  She talked about how when we are passionate about something, we share it with others.  We are excited to share it.  We need to find out passion within the gospel of Jesus Christ and be ready to share it.
Gayle had us all over for dinner tonight.  David was able to come and Ash came too.  It was a great Mother's Day.  Even though I get tired and sometimes moving my every expanding pregnancy body is tiring or maybe even painful, I love being with my boys.  Watching them, listening to them, talking with them, playing with them, teaching them, learning from them and on and on.  Motherhood is my favorite role.  I'm grateful to a loving Heavenly Father that allows me to partake in raising these amazing spirits.  And I am grateful for the example of so many loving mothers and women around me.  My mom has always been my friend.  Not in a bad way, but I have always known I can talk to her.  We have laughed and cried together on many occasions.  Luckily for me there have been very few fights, mostly great times and great memories.

Mother’s Day... Kind of (5/8/19)

David works this Mother’s Day, so he’s been doing a few things leading up to the actual day to make up for it.  Yesterday he sent me out for a few hours to do whatever I wanted all alone!  I shopped for maternity swimsuits and workout clothes, then I went to the gym.
Today Mason opened every single present David got for me.  He cut open he bags of candy and was playing with he salad tongs.  When he came out with the bag of M&M’s he said, “I got the black scissors and opened the present.”
Tonight we hung outside enjoying the beautiful spring weather while the kids and Ollie ran around playing.  Porter was gone for a bit hiking H rock with the Kirry’s, so he missed some of the Mother’s Day celebration of Crumbl Cookies.  We did not tell him or I’m sure there would have been a riot!

Sleep- 5/5/19

Jonas loves his dreams.  Some mornings he’ll lie in bed so he can keep dreaming.  Enjoy it bud!   
Tonight Mason was crying so I went downstairs and Jonas told me he got to dream:).  Then the second time Mason was screaming for me, Jonas came upstairs and asked if he could sleep in our room so Mason wouldn’t interrupt his sleep.  Of all my kids, he loves sleep the most.  He’s a little more like me in that area.  The interesting thing is that he stopped naps way before Porter did.  We’ll have to wait and see if it was sooner than Mason.  Mason hasn’t totally given up naps, but he doesn’t take one everyday anymore and he’s 22 1/2 months old.

Porter's Kindergarten Spring Performance (5/7/19)

This morning I watched several kids.  Denali came over like she always does every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday am before school.  Then I watched the Kirry kids from 8 am until 10 am.  And I watched Connor Wible from 9am until about 12:30pm.  I am so grateful that people feel comfortable to reach out to me to watch their kids.  It is something I love to do and that I can do for others.

I wasn't originally supposed to watch the Kirry kids, but Collyn texted me this am around 6:30am.  I debated briefly about if I should do it because I knew if I said yes, I would be forfeiting my time at the gym.  I know this seems like a selfish want/need, but working out is part of my daily life.  It helps with my sanity and feeling healthy.  I have been trying to be more deliberate in not being so selfish.  Still addressing my needs, but being willing to by pass my needs some days for others.  Also, I have been trying to much more flexible with my working out and not letting my self get upset if I don't get to run.  It's not perfect, but I am getting better.

Porter had his kindergarten spring performance today.  I was wondering if it would be a repeat of his last performance where he literally didn't sing a word of any of the songs, performed no actions and looked like he was mad the entire time.  I'm pleased to say it was not a repeat.  He did fantastic.  He sang all the words, performed actions to the songs and dance his part.  Even his speaking part was loud and clear.  There was a lot of effort and hard work put into the program today and it was fun to watch.

After the performance we had the chance to talk to Mrs. Ward about Porter and whether or not we should transfer him to Hawthorne next year for their ELP program.  I guess him and his friend Scotty were the only two kindergartens who were asked to test for the program.  Scotty is his favorite friend at school so it's making sense to me why he connects with him.  It must be that Scotty has the intellectual level that he appreciates or relates with.  David and I did allow the district to come test Porter again, so now I need to follow up with the district to see what they recommend.  We love Beacon and we love the convenience of it to our home.  If Porter were to go to another school, we'd have to drive him to/from daily and it would definitely create a new dynamic.  I'm definitely leaning towards leaving him at Beacon, but we'll see.

5/5/19

Today during Sacrament meeting there were several releases and sustainings.   I'm not sure why it struck me today, but I actually got pretty emotional as the names were being read.  I thought about each of these individuals.  Some who have served diligently and faithfully.  Their impact and example has been felt and seen.  There are being released either to move into new callings or because they are moving out of our ward.  Then I thought of all those being called to callings.  For some of them, I know the calling is out of their comfort zone, they may feel inadequate or wonder, why me?  Yet, they accept the call to serve and have faith that they will be sustained and able to fulfill the calling.  I then thought about each of us that play a role in building God's kingdom.  We do in different ways through different callings throughout our life.  Some of these callings seem like a more natural fit and others definitely stretch us and we don't know how we will or if we can do it.  I know I have definitely felt this with callings I have received in the past.  Yet, the Lord lifts us and helps us become more than we can on our own if we allow him.  There was a testimony born today by Brother Bleak.  He is currently serving in nursery, but was just called into the Sunday School Presidency.  He could be placed in probably any calling and rise to the occasion.  During his testimony he told of an experience he had with one of the nursery children.  She is deaf and communicates through sign language.  She kept trying to tell him something during nursery, but he didn't know what she was signing.  After nursery, Bro. Bleak asked her parents and they told him it was the sign for Jesus.  I was so touched by this story.  Not only because of the sweetness of this little girl, Kate Price, and the fact that she is being taught by her parents, but also because Bill was able to be a part of this experience because of the calling that he has.  This is how it goes with callings.  If we look for the blessing of a calling and seek for the good in it, we will find it.  Each calling we are given can bring us joy, even those callings that seem out of our comfort zone.  I am so grateful for this church.  I am grateful for the opportunities we are given to serve that help us become more like our Savior as we learn to serve as he did.

Weekend Fun (5/3/19-5/4/19)

We picked Porter up early from school so we could head out of town.  When the boys and I arrived to pick him up, he was in an assembly with the BYU Folk Dancers, so we ended up watching the rest of the assembly. It was incredible.  They performed dances from different countries and throughout they would periodically teach about plot, storyline, etc.  At the end they spoke about how even though we may be from different places, look different, talk different, etc, we are more alike than we think.  For some reason it really hit me and I cried.  Seriously, I cried in the middle of the assembly!  Good thing Porter could not see me.  He might have been mortified.  During that speech I felt the spirit and I was grateful for the dancers and the message of hope/peace that they spread through their performance.

When we finally left, we picked up Dad and headed to McDonald's for lunch.  It was the boys choice.  After eating we took off for Park City so we could play at the bike park.  We ended up only spending about 30 min there, but it was still a lot of fun.  Mason and Jonas are a bit more adventurous than Porter.  Mason found a track that he went around and around on.  Every once in awhile you could hear his sweet squeals.  And Jonas really wanted to make it up an ramp, but it was super steep, so I had to help him up and then he rode down it.  Once Porter saw Jonas do it he had to try it too.
We played at a park after that and then headed to Zermatt in Midway to stay for the night.

The pool was calling our name, so after eating we headed to the pool.  The boys could play for hours.  Mason still clings onto David or I, but Porter swims and Jonas so badly wants to be without his life jacket.  He DOES NOT want to wear it.  Luckily the entire outdoor pool was shallow enough that he could stand on his tip toes and be above water, so he could go without his life jacket if he was by us.  He was much happier.  Lately he has started caring more and more if he looks cool in something.  And a life jacket just does not look cool.

Zermatt has a free carousel, so we took the boys over there to ride.  Of course there was protesting on Porter's part because he only wanted to swim, but not surprisingly, he loves riding the carousel.  Both Jonas and Porter had to take a turn on the "sabertooth tiger".

We headed back to the pool for more swimming before heading back to our room and watching a movie for about 45 minutes before bed.  We all slept well that night.

Today we went back to the pool for more swimming before we headed home.  We ran into someone that we had known in Boston, Collette Call.  It was fun to catch up and see what her and her family are up to.  They currently live in Park City.
Porter practiced diving for swim goggles, Jonas worked on floating on his back and Mason clung to David or I :).  I did get him to hold my hands and kick his feet for a bit and jump in to me.

After checking out of the hotel we headed over to see the crater at the Homestead.  Porter and Jonas are very worried that there might be a megaladon in it, so we had to ask one of the swimmers if they saw anything. They reassured us that there was no megaladon.  We hiked up to the top to look down into it and then headed back home.

As soon as we got home we headed to Porter's soccer game.  Porter loves to play defense. He isn't often found trying to score, but he can be found blocking the other team.  Today when it was his turn to throw the ball in, he actually made the first contact with the ball.  You aren't actually supposed to kick it or throw it in to yourself!  His team is pretty good and they often win, although they aren't supposed to be keeping track.  Porter and a few other kids on the team ALWAYS know the score.

This afternoon David put the swings up in the backyard hanging from a tree.  I was reminded how much I love our backyard.  It is shaded and so much cooler than being in the sun.  The boys swung and we played a little bit of baseball.  Mainly we threw the ball to each other and took turns hitting.

Tonight we headed up Millcreek Canyon with the Zech's and the Davis' for dinner and hanging out.  The boys all hiked up a hill with David.  I guess some of the other kids turned back because it was too steep, but our boys along with Ivy Davis kept going.  David said Mason was really good and he just followed Porter and Jonas wherever they went.  There was even a part David wasn't going to climb up, but Mason did the whole thing.  It's probably good I wasn't there, because I'm sure I would have been telling them to come back down and not go up there.  Dad lets them do way more fun things than me.  They explored the camp ground and sat by the river.  I love getting the boys out to enjoy nature.  It is so refreshing and it wears them out and gets them good and ready for bed.  After a bath they all crashed.

This weekend was just what our family needed.  Time to leave all the work at home behind and play together.  I love where we live.  There is so much to do right around us.  While we were in Midway, we were talking about how beautiful it is.  I'm sure we'll be back there again soon.

Tonight Porter informed Janessa and Celeste that when I have him take a bath by himself, he doesn't actually wash himself, he just hangs out in the bath.  Why am I not surprised?

5/2/19

All the boys ended up in my room last night.  David was on call.  Mason and Jonas started out there and around 4:30am Porter showed up.  Then Porter coughed for the next hour until I finally said him and I should get up.  We were all up by 6:30am.  There is something reassuring about having them all cuddled in my room, especially when David is working.

This morning I got to spend time reading with Porter.  He's currently reading, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."  So far he said this one has been boring because it's all been about getting ready for a wedding.  But when I started reading with him it started to get exciting again.  He loves the action and the drama.  I never read this series on my own, so it's been fun to read at least parts of it with him.  Usually for Mommy/Porter time we end up reading.  I love that he still lets me read to him.  I don't know how much longer that will last.

Today was a beautiful day, so Mason and Jonas and I decided to go for a walk.  These boys are so fun.  They both got out their bikes and helmets and we headed off.  Then we ran into a neighbor, so they ended up riding up and down our street.  Our street is pretty steep and they came pummeling down the street.  Kind of gives me a heart attack, but I loved watching how much fun they had.  Watching my boys play and have so much fun is one of my favorite things.  It was close to Porter's lunch time, so we decided to walk over to the school and say hello.  Porter gave the boys hugs and kisses and told them he loved them.  These are the moments when you'd think they love each other and always get along.  On our walk home, Jonas stopped to try and get butterflies to land on his arm.  It didn't happen, but when we were playing outside later today he was able to catch a ladybug and have it crawl on him.  He is so tender with animals and it ALMOST makes me want to get him a pet that he can really play with.  I'll have to think about it and see if there is a pet that would really work for him.

My goal is to focus more on the positive, sweet interactions with my boys, so I can remember how lucky I am and how much joy they bring me.

Getting rid of stuff/organizing and Porterisms (5/1/19)

Jonas and Mason help me load up to take things to DI.   They are both great helpers and loved getting to load stuff onto the DI truck.  Mason is recovering from being sick, So he snuggled up next to me and took a nap. Then Jonas came up to me later in the afternoon and said he just wanted some alone time and he laid it down with a blanket in the living room and took a nap also. I’m assuming he must be getting a little sick too.
When Porter came home Mason and him joined me outside organizing the loft above the garage. I’ve been meaning to do this but was waiting to see what we were going to do with the space. I realized I better do it sooner than later because I won’t be able to bend over much longer and it’s only going to get hotter up there.
It feels good to get rid of stuff and to start organizing things. We still have a long ways to go.
Porter had soccer pictures tonight and we had a little bit of a conflict trying to get him into a soccer uniform. He said he was not wearing cleats and he doesn’t like his soccer shorts. So, the compromise was that he wore jeans with his soccer shirt over his sweatshirt and his vans shoes. I give up on fighting him over things like this. Then on the way to pictures he was saying how he did not like how they made him pose.   He complained that they made him put his hands on his hips and his foot on the ball.   So when it was time for his individual shot and that is exactly how they post him I could not help but laugh out loud. He was pretty upset in the photo.
Then all the boys and I got to play on the playground and it is fun to watch them explore and Mason and Jonas get more brave at climbing higher on things. Mason would say. “Do you see me Mom?”
If it wasn’t so cold I would’ve stayed longer.