Over and over again I say I’m going to be more consistent with journaling. But the cyst consistency just doesn’t come. I know this is an important thing to do, so I will keep trying. Lately in the moments that I have to myself running or working at the house I’ve been listening to various podcasts or talks. My mind and my spirit are continually enlightened as I seek for good things to fill my mind or better myself. The struggle with Porter continues. I love him dearly. But I feel battles constantly between us except those times when he has my undivided attention. He is growing up fast and I know the precious time that I can influence him the most is diminishing. I have started this program positive parenting solutions to figure out what I can do and how I can change so that I can bridge the gap and help him to feel significant and loved and give him the power that he so desires in appropriate ways and boundaries. He likes to do his own thing and be independent, yet he is still a little boy that needs love and approval. I often wonder how I am screwing him up in my moments of frustration and outburst. At times I have said hurtful things and I don’t want him to ever think that I don’t adore him. I have found how weak the natural man is and I have let him overtake my spiritual strength. Just like journaling I renew frequently to do better as a mother to these precious boys. I know that they have been sent to me for a reason and they’re important lessons that I need to learn from them and that there are parts of me that are important for teaching them to become who they need to be. I love how unique they each are I have started doing mind body soul time with each of them. I attempt to do it daily and it is time that is individually set aside for each one of them with me alone. His time that I devote and focus on them doing whatever they want for at least 10 minutes daily. They each love this time. It is a special time. I have realized how easy it is to let distractions creep into my time with them and I want them to know that they are significant and important that what they had to say and the thing that things that they like to do are of value to me.
Mason is at an age right now where he just want to pick them up and squeeze them and kiss them. He has quite the personality and is a joy to be around and to watch play and interact. Jonas continues to be tender and thoughtful he makes you feel loved it is just a gift that he has. And Porter loves to learn. He soaks up the stories of the Scriptures it has actually started having the desire to cook or bake.
It is helpful to have David as my partner as we raise them. I can watch how he handle situations and how he interacts with the boys and use his gifts and his example to help me to change and become better. I can see other boys respond to him and recognize ways that I can change.
