Brooks' Blessing (11/3/19)

On 11/3/19, we had Brooks blessed.  This is who came:
Mimi and Papa Lower
Beth and Keith Bailly
Kenny and James Lower
Ashley Lower
Isabel
Gayle Masters
Davis and Emily Ward
Brett, Mallory, Kayden, Fischer and Montana Stahl
Dave Pratt
Heather, Carly and Zora Polikoff
Barbie Griffis
Hsaio-Kun, Chia-Chi, Jaden, Minna and Ryder Tu
Venu and Family
Jacob Wilkes
Brandon ??? (David's co-worker)

In the circle there was:
David Bailly
Michael Jenson
Dan Murdock
Chris Thompson
Keith Bailly
Ken Lower
Kenny Lower
Dave Pratt
Brett Stahl

Porter got to hold the microphone and he was so excited to be a part of it.

Brooks Kendrick Bailly, by the authority of the Holy Melchizedick Priesthood which we hold, we give you a name, even the name of Brooks Kendrick Bailly, that you will be known throughout your life and we give you a priesthood blessing. Brooks, your entrance into this world and into our family has been anticipated and your spirit and your body have been prepared in such a way that the spirit of Jesus Christ could be made manifest more fully into this world.  Brooks you have been blessed with physical strength and spiritual strength, a body that is whole and pure is a tremendous gift and it comes with great responsibilities.  Brooks you were born at a time when the world is in tumult and there is a need for peace, a need for love, a need for solidarity of purpose and of kindness.  Brooks, as you evoke the powers of the priesthood throughout your life, through righteous living and kindness, you will be an example of the power of love to bring good things into this world.  Brooks, your brothers are aware of you and they will guide you.  And there will be times in your life when you will guide them.  I bless you, Brooks, with courage to be a leader even when you are younger, even when you have less experience, even when you are insecure.  Trust in the spirit of God to open your mind and to open your mouth to do those things that are most important.  Brooks, we bless you with the ability to lift your mother and to help her to feel the love and the trust that Heavenly Father has in allowing her to raise these boys in this time when great and gentle men are needed to bring equality and to bring purpose and to bring humility to the forefront of the endeavers of mankind.  Brooks we love you and we bless you with all these things.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

After church, a sweet friend of ours, Jacob Wilkes, sent me notes that he had taken from the blessing.  This is what he recorded:
Our sweet friend, Jacob Wilkes, recorded some notes during Brooks’ blessing. It is beautiful to go back and read them.

Brooks Bailly Baby Blessing Nov 3rd by Father David Bailly.
Your arrival was Anticipated
You have been Prepared so the spirit of the Savior may be manifested into the world.
You are born at time of tumult with a great need for peace, love, solidarity of purpose and kindness
You will evoke priesthood power through loving and kindness
Your Brothers are aware of you and will guide you. There will be times when you will guide them.
I bless you with Courage to be a leader at a young age
Bless you to open mind, open mouth, to Do those things that are most important.
Bless you with the Ability to lift your Mother, and let her feel Heavenly Father’s love as she raises righteous sons.
Great and gentle men are needed to bring equality, purpose and humility to the endeavors of mankind.

How sweet it is to re-read or listen to the blessings given to my boys.  They are each unique blessings and each of my boys are unique.  I love them all.

Porter and Siri (6/9/18)

Today Porter was using my phone and asking Siri how to make a girl like him. He had a few hits show up on the screen and asked me if I could open my phone and read them to him.  I open my phone and found this site wikiHow with 10 ways to make a girl like you. The first one said, “Have your own life.”  Porter asked me to explain what that meant and as I’m explaining it to him, he says, “That’s where I went wrong.”  Apparently he was a little too attached to Caitlyn and he feels that might be why she doesn’t like him the same way.  He was too eager to do what she wanted to do.  We went through a few of the other items including being neat, a.k.a. having good hygiene, which he thinks he’s doing pretty good at and being a friend and smiling and making eye contact.  He will definitely remember the things we talked about, and I’m sure he’ll implement them throughout his life :).

Teachers Among Us (12/22/19)

There are so many lessons I can learn from my boys if I will listen to them and if I will allow Heavenly Father to guide me. 
Tonight we were tossing a balloon to each other and when we caught it, we had to say something we loved about Christmas.  Here were some of the boy's answers:

Porter-
gingerbread houses

Mason-
donuts
cupcakes

Jonas-
celebrating the birth of Jesus
shorter church
the Christmas tree

There were more things said, but I loved that Jonas said celebrating the birth of Jesus.  I love this about Christmas too.  This celebration brings out the best in each of us.  We try harder to emulate Him in our actions, our words and our thoughts.  This month we have been reading stories from the life of Jesus as then putting an ornament on the tree that represents that story.  We have also started reading paragraphs from The Living Christ.  I love Him.  I am grateful that as I go through life, I can choose to be as He is.  Because I read the scripture and learn of Him, I can stop and think, how can I be more like Him. 

Lessons (12/17/19)

I had been feeling impressed to teach Porter about pornography, so I borrowed a book from a friend and we read it together and talked about pornography.  Over the next few days Porter would apply some of the things he learned to situations in life.  He'd talk about his thinking brain vs his feeling brain.  Then today we were driving down the road as a family and Porter said, “I think I saw pornography.  I used my thinking brain to look forward."  We had driven past a store on 2100 S that displays mannequins in lingerie.  He was absolutely correct that what he saw was pornographic.  And then he told us that he had also read about pornography in the Friend magazine and there was a kid that wrote a letter to a store that displayed something similar.  He said he wanted to write a letter to this store.  My heart swelled as I listened to him apply what he'd learned and want to do something about it.  I hope that he will always have the courage to use his thinking brain and the spirit to help him to "look forward" and do the right thing.

Matthew- Death of our first pet (11/10/19)

Tonight I noticed that Matthew was upside down in his fish tank.  I briefly debated if I should wait and tell the boys in the morning, but since they were all still awake I decided to tell them.  After getting their attention, I broke the news to them.  Porter said he missed him.  He was a good fish.  He just ate and swam around.  We didn't have to clean his bowl that much :).   Jonas stared at me for a few seconds and then he moved to the side of his bed, put his arms out to me and burst into tears.  He is so incredibly tender.  He cried for a good couple minutes.  I just held him and loved him.  Mason wasn't really phased by it all.  Then we decided to have a little funeral for him before flushing him down the toilet.  Porter decided the song we should sing, "I Am a Child of God", so we all sang this before flushing him down the toilet.  It was a brief service, but at least the boys all got to say goodbye. 

As Jonas was so upset, Porter would reach out and put his hand on his back or pat his shoulder.  It was a sweet gesture to comfort Jonas.  I think of how we covenant at baptism to mourn with those that mourn.  Porter is preparing to be baptized and this is one way he can do that. 

Mason 12/7/2018

You woke up crying last night why did you wake up crying? “Mamma shut the door, my door”.  Poor kiddo.

Mason 3/16/2019

It was past bedtime and I found Mason in the kitchen like this.  He said, “I’m just putting the lids on them.  I ate all the ice creams.”

Brooks 2 month check up (11/4/19)

Stats:
HC: 38.5 cm
Height: 1' 10.05" (12th percentile)
Weight: 11 lbs, 2.8 oz (24th percentile)


We love having Brooks in our family.  He has been smiling for a few weeks now and he coos.  When he smiles and coos at me in the middle of the night when I'm feeding him, it's almost as if he's saying "thank you".  He is getting better at sleeping, hallelujah!  I think he's finally figured out his days and nights.  He still eats about every 2 -3 hours overnight, but that's way better than every hour to hour and a half.  I've been somewhat neglecting his tummy time, but he still has a strong neck and can hold his head up really well when I hold him.  I have held him a lot in a sitting position, so I'm sure that's helped with his neck control.  I feel like he has a somewhat rough schedule.  He usually is up for an hour to an hour and half during the day before needing a nap and he takes a pretty long nap in the middle of the day.  Usually about 3 hours or so.  But, sometimes he'll wake up in the middle of it to eat.  He is a fast eater and for the most part is pretty pleasant, although he's hit a little bit of a fussy stage.  Dr. Smith said fussiness usually peaks about now and then gets better.  Also, I think he might be getting too much foremilk and not enough hindmilk, so this too could add to fussiness if he's feeling gassy.  The boys still love him.  Jonas will often come up to him and hug him and kiss him.  Mason likes to hold him and today he helped me try to give him a bottle.  It was my first attempt and he didn't really take it, but I can keep trying.  Jonas and Mason were both really excited about this. 
He recognizes me and my voice.  He will make eye contact, but not all the time.  I think he recognizes his voice.  Brooks does not like screaming, so I always remind the boys when they do this around him that he doesn't like it.  He usually gets sad and cries.  If only this would keep the boys from fighting!  Brooks loves to snuggle, but he also likes to look out at the world around.  It has been such a joy to have him in our home.  These past two months have flown past.  I'll miss the snuggling phase, so I've snuggled him A LOT.  He may be my last, so I better soak it up.

During his two month appt he got 3 shots.  He cried, but settled quickly afterwards.  I think the other boys were more worried about it.  They did not want him to get shots.  Dr. Smith allowed Jonas and Mason to help with the check up.  Initially Jonas said he did not want to help, but once Mason wanted to help and Jonas saw what he got to do, he changed his mind and got involved.  Mason held the otoscope for Dr Smith and Jonas used the stethoscope to listen to his heart and lungs.  Then both boys got to try and look in the otoscope and Brooks' ears and look in his mouth.  I love Dr Smith.  She is fantastic.

Masonisms (9/13/19)

After finishing a sucker, Mason said, “Can we have another treat?  One treat is not that powerful.”

Mason the Rockstar (8/18/19)

I don't know if it's possible, but Mason David Bailly rode a pedal bike all by himself today.  It was awesome and hilarious.  I was completely shocked and I think he was too. 

Finding His Way (8/18/19)

The past little bit Jonas has been testing waters and determining what he can and can not do.   I think he's also been trying to exert some independence.  He is still tender, sweet Jonas, but there are moments of anger and frustration.  Friday, Jonas had his friend Ollie over to play.  It was time for Ollie to leave, so that boys were taking Ollie's toys back to his house.  After I few minutes I realized they weren't out side anymore, so I texted Ollie's mom to see if they were there.  She said they had dropped off some stuff and left again, but had not been back.  I noticed their bikes were gone, so I wandered around the corner thinking they were riding their bikes.  I didn't see them there.  Porter had recently gone to the Kirry's house and all the boys had been playing together at our house earlier, so I thought maybe they'd headed over there.  They weren't there either.   Barbie got in her car to head up to Beacon to look around and the walked back home to get my car to head out the other direction.  Only once before did they take off on their bikes up to Beacon.  That was a couple of months ago.  I drove down to Hillside to see if they'd gone to the playground there and continued driving down Nevada when I still didn't see them.  I made it all the way to Redondo and Nevada when I got a text from my neighbor Amanda that said Jonas had just rode his bike home.  I drove immediately home to find out that Ollie and Jonas had rode their bikes ALL the way to McDonald's!  This is over 3/4 mile from our house.  I told Jonas he was not allowed to do this and he said, "But, I was with Ollie.  He's 6."  

David has taken Jonas and Porter on bike rides to McDonald's and Fresh Market before,  but the rule has always been that you don't even leave the house without telling me and/or asking me if you can go.  I could not believe he did this and I guess it was his idea.  Thankfully he was safe.

Then yesterday, Mason was sleeping, Porter had just left for the Kirry's and Jonas was on the back porch.  I went in to go to the bathroom and when I came out, Jonas was gone.  I texted Barbie to see if he was there, but they weren't home.  Fortunately I got a text a minute later from Alex Kirry saying that Jonas showed up at their house, said I'd left and told him to go over there.  He thought the story sounded fishy.  

I'll need to pray to figure out what to do for him.  I need to connect and help my sweet Jonas to feel secure. 

Porter 1st Grade- Back to School Father's Blessing (8/18/19)

David and Porter had a big talk before hand about blessings and Porter was so excited to get one.  He loves blessings.  He even went and put a clip on tie attached to his t-shirt in preparation.  He was so reverent and prepared.

Porter Martin Bailly, by the authority of the Melchezidek Priesthood, which I hold, I lay my hands upon your head to give you a Father's Blessing.  Porter, you have already learned a little bit about the priesthood and the power of the priesthood and why it's important to remember that it is the power that Heavenly Father has to make us strong and keep us happy.  Porter, Heavenly Father has blessed you with a mind that has the ability to learn and to understand and eyes that can observe and see.  Heavenly Father wants you, Porter, to use your mind and use your eyes to further develop your heart.  You will have deep desires to be a good friend, to reach out to those kids at school that need a friend, that need someone to listen to them and someone to understand them.  He blesses you Porter that your ears will be able to understand what the other kids are talking about and what they are saying,  even if they are from different places and have different experiences.  He blesses you with more patience, Porter.  To be able to understand them and to be friends with them.  Heavenly Father knows that you are concerned about some of the kids at school, how they treat each other and how they might treat you.  And, He'll help you Porter.  He'll help you become friends with them and He'll help you to feel safe.  And remind you that you have teachers and good friends, like Scotty,  and a Mom and Dad, who are always here for you and love you and who will help you.  And the more that you talk to us and the more that you pray to Heavenly Father, the easier it will be for you to take care of the problems that you need to.  We also bless you Porter to be able to tell your teacher about the things that you need and to be patient with her and you will grow to love her and she will become a friend to you and she will help you.  We bless your brothers that they will be kind to each other and that all you boys will recognize how important you are to each other.  And you'll become better friends as the school year goes by.  Porter, we also bless you that you'll be able to listen to mom and be obedient quickly.  And that you will be happy and find great joy when you are quickly obeying and doing the things that mom wants you to do.   We bless you also that you'll be able to play the sports that you love and do well and do well at the piano.  We love you, Heavenly Father loves you.  Remember that Jesus is your friend and you can always pray.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.


After the blessing, David asked Porter what he heard during the blessing.  This is what he heard:

Understand kids from different countries.
Be nice to kids who don't have friends.

I am excited for this new school year for Porter.  I'll admit, as the end of last school year was approaching, I was worried about what it would be like to have Porter home all day.  I was worried it would be hard because he was so used to have 6+ hours a day full of things to do at school.  Now that summer is over and it's time for him to go back, I am sad.  I have loved having him around more.  His relationship with his brothers has grown and I will miss him when he's gone so much of the day again.  I know his brothers will miss him too.  He asked me why he had to spend so much of every day at school.  He said he'll be at school more than at home and he wasn't happy about it.  I'm grateful that he also likes to be home.  He has spent a lot of time playing with friends this summer, but I think he has liked that he can be home whenever he likes and this changes once he goes back to school.

I am so proud of the young man that he is.  He loves to learn the gospel and I know that he has a relationship with Heavenly Father and prayer.  This morning and tonight and spent special time with just him.  We talked about agency and the plan of salvation.  We read a conference talk together and some articles from the Ensign.  We talked about him and life.  He is a remarkable young man and I am grateful I get to be a part of his life.  I hope that I will figure out how to make special time for him throughout the school year.  That our conversations will continue and he will be able to tell me what is on his mind and when he needs help.  I love him.

Observant (8/6/19)

I often take the boys with me to my OB appointments. They have learned that I have to pee in a cup. Jonas especially finds this really amusing.  A couple of weeks ago he peed in his science beaker. Then today I found another beaker with pee under the bathroom counter.  It’s always funny to find out what makes your kids tick and makes them laugh.

Lower Family Reunion July 27th through Aug 2nd 2019- Bear Lake

Yesterday we got back from our week long Lower Family Reunion in Fish Haven, ID at Bear Lake.  The whole reunion was a blast.  The boys loved playing with their cousins and I loved being with my family.  Everyone was there and I think David even enjoyed the entire week! 
We drove up Saturday afternoon (July 27th) and arrived there right at 4pm for check in.  We rented a large house in The Reserve community in Fish Haven, ID.  The house was perfect.  There was space to gather and hang out.  The community had two nice pools, a hot tub, and a gym. 
Here's a run down of the week.  We kept really busy and the boys stayed up way too late every night, but they did sleep in and for the most part, they did really well. 

Saturday-
Arrived at house.  Everyone showed up except the Waisath's came in after we'd all gone to bed.  We had pizza for dinner and went to the pool to swim.  There was a water slide at the pool.  Porter loved going down it, but Jonas and Mason never ventured down it.

Sunday-
Went to church. After church we came back and took family pictures.  My dad gave us all a spiritual message and bore his testimony to us.  I loved being able to be all together and to hear my dad bear his testimony and to have my children hear it also.  It's not very often that gets to happen.  But, as he spoke, everyone was quiet and the spirit was present.  That was the most spiritual part of the entire trip for me. 

That afternoon we took an "off-roading" trip Bloomington Lake.  We didn't realize it was going to be like that, but it was beautiful up at the lake.  A lot of the kids and some of the adults went off the rope swing.  Porter and I just hung out with our feet in the water watching everyone else.  I was grateful that Porter did not want to go off the rope swing.  I was a little worried about it and I wanted it to still feel like Sunday.  David had stayed back at the house with Jonas and Mason along with my parents.
Bloomington Lake is beautiful.  It was a short hike/walk up to the lake after a really long drive.

After dinner that evening we had a "Retirement" Party for papa.  He was supposed to be retired by now, but since their house hasn't sold yet, he has kept working.  But, we don't know if we'll be able to get everyone together once he does retire, so we kept the party this weekend.  Amber and Ashley put together a few fun activities.  We played a jeopardy game about Dad's life and it was a lot of fun.  I learned some new things and had a few good laughs about some other things.  I even got to cry-laugh.  It was the best.  Kenny was very confident in answering that mom and dad met at The Riviera.  I couldn't help but cry-laugh because that is where he lived.  They met at Roman Gardens. 

Then we enjoyed cake to celebrate his retirement and Mira, Wes and Jon's birthdays.

Some people went swimming, but since it was Sunday, I didn't want our family to go.  Porter got really, really mad.  I felt bad, but I knew we should stay home together.  Some of the older cousins (James, Zach and Jackson) almost stayed home from the pool because they didn't want Porter to feel left out, but I didn't want them to stay back.  They left and after Porter and I talked, we played Life together and he was much better.  It was great to get to stay with him and play together. 

Monday-
We headed to Rendezvous Beach to play.  We rented a boat for tubing, we played on the beach  and on the water trampoline.   It was overcast and we played all day long.  Porter was on the boat literally all day except for the one time I went on the boat.  He loved tubing and being with the older boys. 
Mason, Jonas and David and I jumped on the water trampoline for a while and the boys loved it. 
In the evening we ventured into Garden City to try our first shake.  There are several shake stands, but we were told that Lebeau's is the oldest and most famous.  So, this was our first taste of the famous Raspberry shake.  It was good, but I'll admit, there were other places that were tastier.  We ate shakes on our way home from the lake and were so full of ice cream that we could hardly eat dinner that night.

Tuesday-
We spent most of the day at the pool at made this more of a low key day.  Of course it was still a blast.  Somehow Ash convinced Mason to go down the water slide.  I'm not sure he knew what hit him when they flew off the slide and ended up under water.  He didn't cry, but he also didn't go again. 
That afternoon the we played Minute to Win It games.  All the kids gathered around and loved trying to see who could suck up the most cheerios and move them to another bowl (I was second best :), get 6 pieces of ziti pasta on a piece of spaghetti without using your hands, get an oreo from your forehead into your mouth without using your hands and a few other fun games.  I had to leave partway through to help Jonas in the bathroom, so we missed some of the fun. 
Most everyone except Mimi, Papa, Theron, Wes, Jon, Mira and myself and Jonas and Mason went to do an Escape Room that night.  They said it was fun, but it was a little like a youth soccer game where all the kids run around in a bunch. 
The rest of us went out for shakes.  We tried a new place, Ber's Shakes and Sodas.  It was better than Lebeau's and they had the cutest soda drinks.  They had gummy sharks or gummy alligators or watermelon sour patch kids swimming in the bottom of the drink and coming out of the whipped cream at the top. Mason and Jonas were going crazy about it.  They spent the majority of the time talking about the drinks rather than drinking them.  It was adorable and funny.  Theron said he could not understand anything Mason was saying, but Mason just kept talking.  Of course I could understand everything.

Wednesday-
We took to the beach again.  This time we went to North Beach.  We rented jet skiis, a paddle boat, a kayak.  Papa brought along an inflatable boat.  It was another perfect beach day.  Porter and I both got up on the paddle board.  I'll admit, I was a little nervous about falling on my belly.  Porter balanced really well all by himself. 
Porter went out on the jet ski and loved it, although he didn't like going too fast.  David and I finally got Jonas to go out with us.  He was hilarious. He sat in between us and we were going sooo slow, but he kept saying, "Too fast."  "Too far."  Then he started crying, so we headed back in.  But, we got him out and hopefully in a year or two we can get him out again.  David and I went out by ourselves.  It felt great to have the wind in our hair, but I was so nervous when I was driving it.  It's been a long time since I've driven one or ridden on one for that matter.  I was much more comfortable with David driving, but I also knew he wouldn't do anything crazy since I'm pregnant.
One of the best parts of the day was taking Mason out in the inflatable raft.  He was so cute.  He just held on to the front of the boat.

After the lake we headed home, had dinner and then Mimi gave out her little awards to everyone. The kid's loved being spotlighted. Well, all of our kids except Jonas.  He doesn't love the attention on himself.

That night of course we headed out for shakes again!  This time we tried Zips.  This was my favorite shake place for sure.  I loved the atmosphere and their fries were yummy too. 

Thursday-
We headed to Lava Hot Springs to play at their recreation pool and for who ever wanted to float the river.  There was a pool, diving boards, diving platforms, 4 waterslides, a kiddie play area, and an indoor pool with a walk climbing wall.  We played for hours and hours.  There was stuff for everyone of every age to do.  Porter went off the high dive, but I couldn't get him to go down the water slides because they were enclosed at least for part of it.  Mason and Jonas played and played with Wes in the kiddie play area.  I had been nervous about driving there because it was about an hour and 15 minutes away, but it was so much fun and definitely worth it.
A lot of people, but the younger kids, went to float the river.  I wasn't sure how it would be and if the younger boys would like it, so I didn't take them.  I guess everyone loved it and I could have brought Mason and Jonas.  They ran the river a couple of times and Porter and David were in a four man tube.  Porter loved it. 
We played KUBB in the yard and enjoyed the beautiful weather.
That night Porter and David went out with all the older people to get shakes again.  I stayed back with the little ones and got them ready for bed.

Friday-
We packed up and headed out. We all stopped at Maddox Drive In in Perry for lunch.  The Lower's had recommended it to us.  It was packed and the food was okay, but definitely not worth the wait. 
The Waisath's came to stay with us for the night and the Troutman's got to hang out with us for a little until they left for the airport.  Porter, David, Kari, Theron, Karsten, Morgan and Garrett all went to Snowbird to enjoy the summer activities up there.  I stayed back with the little kids.  We built and played LEGO's, jumped with water balloons on the trampoline and watched a movie.

Saturday-
We took the kids up to Donner Park.  It was hot, but the kids got some energy out.  Kari set up an obstacle for them to run through the playground.  It was a lot of fun.  The kids had so much fun right up until Porter and Karsten were a "siamese run" and Karsten accidentally dragged Porter along the ground.  That was pretty much the end of Porter's fun.  He kept crying and crying, and fortunately it was time to go home so the Waisath's could get ready to head to the airport.

This was a fantastic week.  I wouldn't have changed anything. I loved having my little family be with my extended family.  Our kids got to try so many new things this week and create so many fun memories with their cousins.  This was totally worth it. 

How grateful I am for family. 

7/6/18- How has it already been a month?

This first month of summer has flown past.  I was honestly worried about how it would be having Porter home all day long.  It has been much better than anticipated.  Him being an avid reader has definitely helped.  If he has down time, he reads or listens to books and he'll actually do it for hours.  He wants to listen to a book or read a book as we're driving, etc.  Sometimes he reads so much I actually have to tell him to put it down and talk to us.  Also, he has spent time playing with the boys more than I thought he would.  They don't play all the time and there are still fights, but I have found him and Jonas playing and keeping each other company.  This a huge blessing.  I want them to be friends, not just brothers.  Learning to enjoy each others company is so important.  It's been helpful that Jonas' good friend Ollie has not been around much and neither have Porter's friends.  Chase Wible moved a week ago and Harvey has been out of town on/off.  He still has Tanner, but they don't play every day. 

June flew past.  We took the boys fishing during a free event at Fairmont Park.  The boys all enjoyed it and ended up with new fishing rods.  No one caught anything, but at least they had fun.  We've enjoyed swimming at Ashley's pool and Gayle's pool.  Jonas started up swim lessons again too.  He is getting more and more comfortable in the water which is great. 
We had the Neighborhood BBQ and I don't think I saw Porter the entire time.  He usually takes off once he sees friends and we don't hear from him again until it's time to go home.  Jonas and Mason stick close by.  Jonas and Mason both rode in the bike parade.  Actually, Mason rode and Jonas ran.  It was pretty funny to watch.
David and I attended the open house for the Snowpine Lodge up at Alta.  I was afraid I was a little under dressed because I was wearing jeans, but as we walked in, David told me I was in good company.  Mitt Romney was also wearing jeans.  We were sure we'd know many people at the party, but we ended up knowing a few people from the stake and Ashley and Mason Schmutz were there.
We hit up the park and splash pad at Liberty Park with friends and the boys played for hours.  We had brought Ollie and Tanner along and then met Maria and her kids.  I love when the boys just play and play for hours outside.  It is so good for their little bodies to run and play.
I've spent many mornings/afternoons/evenings sitting in a lawn chair in the front yard as the boys play.  Under the trees in our yard, the heat is bearable and it is so refreshing to enjoy the outdoors.  Unfortunately I'm not the best playdate right now since I'm tired and big, but when they pause to snuggle me and read books or eat their popsicles, it is heaven on earth.
We took the boys on a trip to AZ to visit David's family. We stayed at a hotel nearby.  On Monday, we swam and then we were able to take his parents out to dinner for their birthdays.  On Tuesday, I took the boys to the Bass Pro Shop to explore while David took care of some drama with his brother Randall.  We took the boys, Lillian and Matt and Jackson and Cassie to Urban Jungle.  It's a trampoline/obstacle course place.  Everyone had fun playing for 1 1/2 hours.  It was the perfect place to get energy out, besides swimming, when it was so hot outside.  Later in the afternoon his parents had everyone over for a BBQ and we swam.  Grandpa rented a motorcycle for the kids to ride on too.  Porter was the only one of our kids that took him up on a ride.  I'm not surprised Jonas didn't go, but I thought maybe Mason would sit on it.  But, for some reason he didn't want to.  Maybe the loud noise scared him.
Wednesday, we spent the day having lunch with my friend Laurie and swimming with her kids.  It was great to catch up with her and of course Porter loved having some older kids to play with.  We had dinner at David's parents and then headed back to the hotel to get ready to fly out tomorrow. 
The trip was really overwhelming for David.  There is a lot of dysfunction in his family and unfortunately his parent's home is not the greatest place to be.  His brothers come and go as they please and they are all dealing with major issues.  David's mom kept telling Porter he should come back and stay with them by himself, but that will never happen.  She had just previously told me all the things going on with his brother and what is brought into their home and it is no place I would have Porter be.  There is no way his parents would be able to take care of him and deal with David's siblings.  Plus, I feel like Porter would end up watching a ton of tv and playing a lot of video games if he was there.  They just don't have the energy to take care of him and the environment is not a healthy, safe environment.  It's really sad.  I'm pretty sure we won't head back to AZ for a long time. 
When we got back in town, David was already feeling better just to be home.  He had one night off before he headed up to Girl's Camp.  He took Jonas and Porter with him.  Once again Porter was right in the mix and Jonas hung back.  Jonas said, "Why do all these people have to be here?"  Porter is our extrovert and Jonas is our introvert.
Mason and I had some special time at home.  We met Ashley at City Creek for a bit and it was fun to play with him alone.  He skipped as we walked.  There was one incident where he got really embarassed and wanted to go home.  I've never seen him get embarassed like that.  He accidentally grabbed some other woman's hand bag.  After it happened, he buried his head in his hands and cried and just kept saying, "I want to go home."
We had a going away party for Josh and Heidi Wible.  We are so sad that they moved.  They are such an incredible family and we have loved having their little boys around.  Jacob, Chase and Connor will be greatly missed.  The BBQ was a blast and our boys got to stay up until 10pm!
We got to attend another going away party for Celeste and Rich Davis, but this one was a Murder Mystery Party.  David was Mr. "Ollie" Oliver and I was Ms. Lavender.  It was fun to get dressed up and go even though I am such a terrible actress.  David did a great job getting into character.  He was a little bit nervous and he was always stroking other men's faces because his character could not grow facial hair.  It was brilliant.  He even won two prices for how he played the game.  I was a shy, depressed school teacher.  You'd think I could pull that character off easily, but I just kept laughing at everyone else as they got into character.  Some people play their parts brilliantly. 
The 4th of July was fun this year.  We spent the morning/early afternoon at a carnival at Fitts Park in South Salt Lake. There were bounce houses, train rides, face painting and balloon making.  Plus the boys were able to practice some "wood" chopping karate skills.  Afterwards we enjoyed slushees.  You'd think we'd hit the jackpot.  In the afternoon we visited Gayle and then we spent the evening outside with Ashley.
Friday (7/5/19), the boys and I met Ashley, her friend Isabel and Isabel's family at Pineview Reservoir.  The boys swam, paddleboarded, played in the sand and ate.  I'm so glad that Ashley invited us up there to enjoy the cool water and playing hard.

Before I forget, I wanted to record something that happened with Porter.  The boys all picked out popsicles to eat earlier this week.   Unfortunately there was only one blue one left and both Porter and Jonas wanted it.  Jonas was crying about it and Porter was so mad.  I was extremely frustrated watching them fight over them.  I told them that they could split it or I was going to throw the popsicles away if no one was willing to give it up.  So, it got to the point where I threw them away.  Porter went into the trash can and got it out.  He was holding it and Jonas was still crying.  Porter offered to split it with Jonas, but Jonas said he only wanted to the whole thing.  Finally, even though Porter did not want to, on his own he gave the popsicle to Jonas.  Then he sad down next to me and cried.  Not a mad cry, but a sad cry.  I told him how proud I was of his choice.  Then as Jonas watched Porter crying, Jonas started crying because he didn't want Porter to be sad.  He offered to split the popsicle with Porter.  It was one of the sweetest moments.  Porter said he could have it all and he went and got a different color.  I know that was hard for Porter.  David talked with him about sometimes even when do the right thing, we might still be sad because we gave up something we wanted.  Porter is growing up and I need to remember this. 

I realize I am extremely hard on my kids.  I am always telling them what to do or getting frustrated with them.  Today I had a difficult time with them and I wanted to cry.  Then I read something about how I need to and can change.  What I read were specific things I can change in how I communicate with them that should help the exact behaviors I am struggling with.  Now, I have to get myself to change.  They deserve so much better than I give them.  I often feel like I am screwing them up and I want them to know that they are incredible boys and that I love them.

Last Day of School (6/5/19)

Today was Porter's last day of school.  On Monday of this week when I watched him walking home from school, I was struck by how quickly the year had gone.  I wasn't necessarily emotional about him finishing first grade, but as I joined all the other students, parents and faculty "clapping out" the sixth grade class, I definitely became a little emotional.  I'm sure it didn't help that I was standing next to Adrianne who was watching her last child graduate from elementary school.  And I had just talked with Adrianne about how she was feeling about the whole experience.
Then all the sixth graders said the Pledge of Allegiance one last time.
Porter has definitely had some highs and some lows during his kindergarten year.  He has made friends and lost friends.  His first friend was Luci.  He wrote about her near the beginning of the year, but at some point their friendship changed.  According to Porter one day she said he couldn't play with her.  Then there was about a month and a half where things were rough between him and Luci.  He didn't want to go to school anymore.  He was constantly talking about it and dissecting everything she did or said.  Fortunately, he was able to move through that phase and ended up having fun at the end and making a great friend in Scotty Pickett.  They both love to read and to read Harry Potter, so it seems like they bonded over this.
Throughout the year Porter lost 4 teeth, became an excellent reader, enhanced his writing skills so his writing is much for legible and developed his understanding of math concepts.  Although he says he didn't learn anything at school, I can definitely see his growth over the year.  We will miss his teacher, Mrs. Emily Ward.  David and I have grown fond of her and her husband Davis.  Hopefully we'll maintain a friendship with them.
After school today we celebrated by joining lots of friends at the Quigley's for popsicles and then heading back to our place to have water balloon/gun fights and eat more popsicles.  We had several friends over to play too.  We played for hours and the kids loved it.  Us parents relaxed in the shade.
The Mitchell's, Zech's, Wible's, Kirry's, Brown's and a new friend, Kasey and her kids, all joined in the fun.  It was the perfect last day of school.
Yesterday they had a field day in the morning.  It was so much fun.  There were several stations and the kids rotated through in groups.  There were large blow up waterslides, slip n slides and a maze.  There were "bird sprayers" (water guns in the shape of a bird), pool noodles and bean bag tosses.  Mason and Jonas even joined in on some of the fun.  I decided I want to rent a huge blow up water slide and invite a lot of friends over to play.  Now I just have to figure out where to put it.  My yard is not that big. But, the kids would have hours of fun.

Porter is excited to be a first grader.  Now we just have to figure out how to get through summer and all survive!

5/29/19

Today I listened to a podcast with Jodi Moore from Better than Happy.  The podcast was titled, "Obedience".  She had just spoken at BYU Women's Conference, so she shared a recap of what she spoke about there.  She talked about disobedience and how guilt is a motivator to change, but when we allow it to morph into shame, it actually holds us back.  She told a story of how she was on a business trip and was at the airport and needed to head up an escalator.  Their was a sign that said those with luggage should take the elevator, but once she saw others heading up the escalator with their luggage, she decided to go up too.  She had two roll away bags, a larger one and a smaller one.  As she went to go up, she got caught and fell backwards on her bags.  Once she got up, she realized that the bags were larger than the entrance to the escalator.  And when she was getting pulled backwards by the bags, she didn't let go of them.  She held on tight.  She related this to repenting.  During this time she had been going through the repentance process and was not feeling the weight being lifted off her like she thought she could.  As she thought about this experience on the escalator, she realized that the moment she had gone to her bishop to repent, that Heavenly Father had forgiven her.  She was the one holding herself back, holding onto the past and not moving forward.  She said the escalator was bringing her up from the basement into the light, but she allowed the bags to hold her back.

She talked a lot about shame and how shame makes us hide and do things in secret.  It tells us we aren't worthy and makes us wonder about our worth.  We think how could we make this mistake, why would we make a mistake.  People don't do this.

I thought a lot about my past.  I have often felt overwhelming shame.  I have wondered why I would ever have made the mistakes I did.  How does someone like me that had the knowledge I have, do the things I did?  Thinking about these things has actually kept me up at night.  As I listened to Jodi talk about these things today, I was moved to tears.  I feel like the shame I have felt has kept me from moving forward.  Satan keeps me down whenever I look backwards and dwell on who I was, not who I am.

Today was a beautiful day.  The boys and I spent so much time outside enjoying the cool, sunny weather.  We had a picnic, the boys road bikes and dug for bugs.  We watched the landscapers redoing the neighbors yard.  I chatted with Grandma Jones and Rashna.  The boys went to Graham Knight's birthday party and Mason and I took a walk until it started raining really hard on us.
Tonight the older boys went with David to deliver flowers with the youth and then Mason and I joined later to play outside and eat cake and ice cream.

Memorial Day (5/27/19)

The boys ALL slept in until 8:30 ish.  That never happens.  But, obviously they needed it.  I got to have a few quiet hours to myself in the am.  We went up to Snowpine Lodge in Alta to spend time with our friend's, the Pratt's.  Dave's family owns the lodge, so he invited a bunch of people up there to stay the night and hang out the next day.  We did go up the night before, but we spent all day there. We swam, played toys, played in the arcade, chatted and ate lunch.  The boys had fun all day and it was great to catch up with the Pratt's.  It was supposed to rain/snow, but the weather ended up being perfect.  And swimming with the snowcapped mountains surrounding you was beautiful.
Mason loved playing the Skee ball machine and he threw the balls over and over again.  If he actually made it over the hump, whether or not he got any points, he'd say, "Yes!".
All the boys loved the arcade and Porter would have stayed there all day if we let him.
We devoured fries and burgers from the restaurant for lunch and I'm pretty sure it was a perfect day for the boys.

Careful versus Casual (5/26/19)

Our lesson during RS was on a talk from conference, Careful versus Casual.  The talk was given by Becky Craven.  It was interesting to hear people's thoughts, but most interesting to reflect upon my own life.  In what ways am I too casual with those things that matter most.  As I've been reading the Come Follow Me material, it has begun to talk about the Second Coming and how even some of the elect will be deceived.  For me, I think some of my deception will come in allow myself to become too casual, but thinking I am okay.
During class individuals were talking about not to do things out of fear.  Alex Price spoke in Sacrament Meeting and she mentioned a quote about how those that are obedient will receive blessings, but those that are exactly obedient will see miracles.  I thought about this quote a lot during the lesson.  I feel like the same applies to be careful versus casual.  If I read my scriptures to check off the box, I'm sure there are blessings I receive, but the miracle of pondering and feasting upon the words will be missed.
To me, being careful means: thoughtful, intentional, deliberate, choosing.  This applies to how I pray, read my scriptures, treat others, treat my relationships, attend the temple, serve and share the gospel, fulfill my callings, etc.  It is more than just being a "good" or "kind" person.  I remember hearing a friend years ago say that she just wanted her kids to grow up and be kind.  I would love this also, but I want more than that for my kids.  Them being kind should be a product of their relationship with their Heavenly Father and our Savior.  This relationship will develop from "careful" choices and actions throughout their lives.  I want them to know who they are are and to see the gifts that they have been given.  Then to use those gifts to do His work.
Am I being the example of this to my kids?  I don't think so.  I have a lot to think about a work on so that I am not deceived.  So that I am ready when the Savior comes again.  I want to be.

5/25/19

Today was a great day!  The weather was warmer and it was SUNNY! We’ve had so much rain lately, so we spent s lot of time outside today.
While I was at the gym, David and Porter cleaned the fridge! It looks so good.
We picked peonies, filled vases and delivered flowers to friends and neighbors.  We met and chatted for awhile with a neighbor down the street, Cindy.
During our flower delivery we dropped by the Murdock’s and checked out the duck sitting on her eggs in their backyard.
Ollie and Jonas played.  David did yard work.  Porter played at the Kirry’s and Mason and I hung out in the front yard at Grandma Jones’s with Heidi and Connor Wible.  It was so relaxing and a perfect Saturday.
Barbie (Griffis) called me to come help. She’s about 12 weeks pregnant and so sick.  She was just started on an IV around the clock.  I have been wondering how I can help besides having Ollie over as much as I can.  So, when she was having problems with her IV, I got to help fix the problem.  I was so glad to see her, tell her I love her and help do a few things for her.  Now I know what’s going on, so I plan to stop by more regularly and know what other things I can help with.
Yesterday, Heidi Wible watched Mason and Jonas so I could go to the temple.  It was wonderful to be there and when I came home Mason and Jonas played so well together for about an hour and while they did, I was able to read the Ensign and start read a book about symbols.  After being in the temple, I had a desire to study more about temples and some of the specific things that were talked about during the initiatory.
Tonight we invited friends and neighbors over for a last minute bonfire and s’mores roasting.  The weather was perfect and the kids played their little hearts out.  And surprisingly, despite the large amount of kids, there were minimal tears and lots of having fun.  I kind of didn’t want to do it because I wanted to prepare for Sunday, but we were still able to get everything ready once people left.  I am now ready for the Sabbath day and it feels great.

5/17/19

David and I had the chance to attend the sealing of a young man from our ward, Matt Wilcox.  Being in the temple is always a peaceful place to be and I never leave wishing I hadn't gone.  As I listened to the counsel of the sealer before hand and then listened to the words of the sealing ordinance, my heart was touched.  The sealer spoke about the angels that were in attendance and he testified that some of those angels there were their children that would come in the future.  I had never specifically thought about this in the past and I know I didn't think about this on the day of my sealing, but I loved having that visual of these spirits witnessing the eternal union.  These spirits not having the veil over their eyes and knowing more than we do at that moment.  I am grateful for God's plan.  The sealer also spoke of Adam and Eve and how on the 6th day, when man and women were created, God came down for that day.  We are His greatest creations and families were started from the beginning.
During the reception later that night I watched as there was a daddy/daughter dance with the bride and her father and then a mother/son dance with the groom and his mother.  I know this seems so far away since our boys are so young, but I know that before we realize, our own little boys will grow up and become men.  They will head out on missions and begin families of their own.  Right now there are so many things I think I am screwing up.  Do they know I love them?  Will they only remember the "angry/frustrated mom"?  Am I teaching them that Heavenly Father loves them?  Am I seeing their spiritual gifts and who they really are?  Do I remember that their spirits are mature and even though they are housed in these young bodies, their spirit was in heaven with me?  They fought that war in heaven alongside me and we all chose to follow our Savior, Jesus Christ.  How can I help them use their agency here to follow Him again?
I worry about the paths they may take in the future.  I watch David's brothers and his sister take the hard road, the one away from the covenant path and I know that my boys carrying those genes.  But, then again I reminded that so does David and he has chosen to follow the covenant path.  I know I can't control the choices my boys make and sometimes the hard road is the path they may travel at different times, but it is so painful to watch those you love struggle and not have peace.
This pregnancy I have definitely been more tired.  My patience has waxed thin and I have wondered how can I become a mother to more children.  I feel like I spend so much time reprimanding and responding to the negative that I don't take the time to highlight the positive and when my boys are obedient.
Also, I have been frustrated with David lately.  He always has so many things going on.  I never feel like I can ask for what I need because he is so busy himself.  I need to work on my feelings of resentment that his time is not constrained the same way that mine is.  He doesn't need to coordinate child care to go do things.  If he wants to go to the temple, he arranges his schedule to go.  If he wants  to take a nap, he'll get up and go take a nap.  He does so much good and he doesn't waste his time, so it's hard to find justification with my frustration.  And, I know that I chose to change my mindset.  I can find solutions to my problems.  I can be independent.  This frustration I have with David carries over into my interactions with the boys.  My goal is to work on this.

5/16/19

Yesterday I had another ultrasound. Baby boy is looking good and still growing strong.  He was kicking the probe and the sonographer was pressing on my stomach.  I can’t wait to see what he is like.
He’ll fit right in here.

The weather turned really cool today and has been raining tonight.  I love it.  I gave the boys haircuts and they look so handsome.  I don’t cut Porter’s hair anymore because I’m not sure how much wrath I can handle!

I took time while I was doing stuff around the house and the boys were preoccupied to listen to the talks this week for “Come Follow Me”.  They made me think and reflect on my own life.  I was reminded of how merciful God is.  Elder Holland gave a talk entitled, “The Laborers in the Vineyard”.  I just was so touched at the end of his talk about how much God loves us and how much he wants to extend his mercy to us.  I was reminded that if I ask Heavenly Father, “What Lack I Yet”, the spirit will give me specific counsel for my life.  And if I act in faith, He will continue to lead me along.

5/15/19

Tonight was one of those nights where I was not in control of my emotions.  I'm not sure what my problem was, but my fuse was incredibly short.  I was trying to book flights and a hotel for our trip to Mesa, put the boys to bed and help Porter take a bath.  Mason hadn't napped and Jonas took a massive nap yesterday, but didn't sleep as long last night, so I really wanted them to go to bed a little earlier.  My frustration rises when that doesn't happen.  Then I was working with David on checking out hotels (he was at work), in the meantime Mason is bringing cereal boxes downstairs and Jonas and him made a mess with cereal.  Sometimes I know I need to stop, focus on what matters and readjust my thinking, but instead I just let the natural man take over.  I can feel the frustration inside of me bubbling out.  Someday I will master it.  Someday I will clearly shift and stay calm.

Mother's Day Weekend (5/10-5/12/19)

Gayle basically stepped in as grandma this weekend and took care of us all weekend.  I probably have never written about how Gayle fits into our lives.  When we lived at The Wilshire in Salt Lake after we first moved here, she was our neighbor.  Initially we only knew her husband, Chuck, but after several months of living there, we got to know Gayle.  She instantly fell in love with Porter.  We would spend almost every afternoon at her house once she got home from work until dinner time.  When we moved away she was heartbroken, but our relationship didn't end there.  She has become part of our family and as we have more children, she loves each of them as if she were their grandma.  Friday she stopped by after work and we ended up heading to her place to hang out and eat pizza.  Saturday she took Jonas and Porter to see a movie at the Gateway Mall while Mason and I played at Discovery Gateway.
I loved getting to be at Discovery Gateway with just Mason.  We got to do whatever he wanted to do and he just enjoys life.  He squeals and smiles often and is constantly on the move.  We collected balls and sent them up the shoot over and over again.  We watched the live beehive and wondered where the bees where flying to.  We played with the fish in the water and he tried to collect them all, but I made him share with another boy playing there.  I'd sneakily throw a few fish back in so another kid could play and he'd go after them again and again.  We shopped at the grocery store.  He only shopped the produce section and he loved ringing up each item.  Then he'd go put everything back where it belonged and start all over.  We attempted playing basketball together and then he "flew" the airplane while he enjoyed his lunch.  He is quite the multi-tasker.  I love being with Mason.  I love listening to him talk and explore this world.
I don't know if I ever recorded an experience I had with him the other night.  It was way past his bedtime and he would not go to bed.  He had already come up several times and I was frustrated.  The level of frustration increases as it gets later and later.  He came up again and usually I send him back downstairs by himself.  But, this particular time I was able to stop and slow down as he stuck his little (big bear cub paw) hand out for me to take.  Heavenly Father gave a moment of perspective and peace.  I grabbed my little boy's hand tenderly in mine and walked downstairs with him.  His little hand won't reach out for mine forever and I was so grateful that the spirit helped me stop and see him.  I am so grateful to be his mother.
After a late lunch at pizza kitchen, we played at Gayle's again and then came home right as David got home from work.  After dinner we sat out on the lawn together.  Porter and I had done a mad lib from his kid's national geographic magazine and I was reading it to the boys.  There was a lot of poop and pee language that the boys thought was hilarious.  They were laughing so hard and asked me to read it again and again.  The weather was perfect and I was surrounded by my little family and their giggles of pure joy.  I took that moment and I bottled it up.
David had to work today, so he arranged for Ashley to come over and make breakfast for me.  Porter was beyond excited.  Mason and Jonas slept in until 8 am.  Porter was up at 6:15, but he snuggled next to me in bed until Ash got there at 7:15.  I loved watching him get so excited to do something nice for me.  He reminded me a little of myself as a kid.  I would get so excited just like that and I could not keep a secret about something I was so excited about.
Ashley made a delicious breakfast and hung out for a couple of hours. Porter and Jonas played really well together and Porter was complimenting Jonas on his lego building skills.  He even went so far as to tell Jonas he was better and building Legos than himself.  That was a huge compliment.
Generally on Sundays it is a struggle to get Porter dressed and out the door.  We can have a perfectly great morning up until that point.  Well, it looked like we were going to have a repeat of Sundays past, but I said, "Please don't ruin my mother's day."  And, then Porter told Jonas he was going to get dressed and he did!  I was so very grateful for this.  The boys were all ready and we even got to leave a little early.  David had been able to slip away from work to go to church, so he'd come home to help me get the boys ready only to find out they were already ready!!!
There was a talk by Jacquelyn Rawson in sacrament meeting today.  She talked about the Savior and how he is the perfect example of how to be a mother.  The way he nurtures, loves, gathers, teaches, etc.  She made us think about the perspective our children have about the exceptions we have for them and helped us think about the expectations our Father in Heaven has for us and how we sometimes don't see the eternal perspective and that his ultimate goal is for our joy and eternal exaltation.
The discussion in RS led by Carrie Johnson was also fabulous.  It was based on Elder Ucthdorf's recent talk on missionary work.  She asked us to think about a recent special moment/experience that we shared with someone.  She asked us what was in our hearts about the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Then she asked us why we come to church.  She talked about how when we are passionate about something, we share it with others.  We are excited to share it.  We need to find out passion within the gospel of Jesus Christ and be ready to share it.
Gayle had us all over for dinner tonight.  David was able to come and Ash came too.  It was a great Mother's Day.  Even though I get tired and sometimes moving my every expanding pregnancy body is tiring or maybe even painful, I love being with my boys.  Watching them, listening to them, talking with them, playing with them, teaching them, learning from them and on and on.  Motherhood is my favorite role.  I'm grateful to a loving Heavenly Father that allows me to partake in raising these amazing spirits.  And I am grateful for the example of so many loving mothers and women around me.  My mom has always been my friend.  Not in a bad way, but I have always known I can talk to her.  We have laughed and cried together on many occasions.  Luckily for me there have been very few fights, mostly great times and great memories.

Mother’s Day... Kind of (5/8/19)

David works this Mother’s Day, so he’s been doing a few things leading up to the actual day to make up for it.  Yesterday he sent me out for a few hours to do whatever I wanted all alone!  I shopped for maternity swimsuits and workout clothes, then I went to the gym.
Today Mason opened every single present David got for me.  He cut open he bags of candy and was playing with he salad tongs.  When he came out with the bag of M&M’s he said, “I got the black scissors and opened the present.”
Tonight we hung outside enjoying the beautiful spring weather while the kids and Ollie ran around playing.  Porter was gone for a bit hiking H rock with the Kirry’s, so he missed some of the Mother’s Day celebration of Crumbl Cookies.  We did not tell him or I’m sure there would have been a riot!

Sleep- 5/5/19

Jonas loves his dreams.  Some mornings he’ll lie in bed so he can keep dreaming.  Enjoy it bud!   
Tonight Mason was crying so I went downstairs and Jonas told me he got to dream:).  Then the second time Mason was screaming for me, Jonas came upstairs and asked if he could sleep in our room so Mason wouldn’t interrupt his sleep.  Of all my kids, he loves sleep the most.  He’s a little more like me in that area.  The interesting thing is that he stopped naps way before Porter did.  We’ll have to wait and see if it was sooner than Mason.  Mason hasn’t totally given up naps, but he doesn’t take one everyday anymore and he’s 22 1/2 months old.

Porter's Kindergarten Spring Performance (5/7/19)

This morning I watched several kids.  Denali came over like she always does every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday am before school.  Then I watched the Kirry kids from 8 am until 10 am.  And I watched Connor Wible from 9am until about 12:30pm.  I am so grateful that people feel comfortable to reach out to me to watch their kids.  It is something I love to do and that I can do for others.

I wasn't originally supposed to watch the Kirry kids, but Collyn texted me this am around 6:30am.  I debated briefly about if I should do it because I knew if I said yes, I would be forfeiting my time at the gym.  I know this seems like a selfish want/need, but working out is part of my daily life.  It helps with my sanity and feeling healthy.  I have been trying to be more deliberate in not being so selfish.  Still addressing my needs, but being willing to by pass my needs some days for others.  Also, I have been trying to much more flexible with my working out and not letting my self get upset if I don't get to run.  It's not perfect, but I am getting better.

Porter had his kindergarten spring performance today.  I was wondering if it would be a repeat of his last performance where he literally didn't sing a word of any of the songs, performed no actions and looked like he was mad the entire time.  I'm pleased to say it was not a repeat.  He did fantastic.  He sang all the words, performed actions to the songs and dance his part.  Even his speaking part was loud and clear.  There was a lot of effort and hard work put into the program today and it was fun to watch.

After the performance we had the chance to talk to Mrs. Ward about Porter and whether or not we should transfer him to Hawthorne next year for their ELP program.  I guess him and his friend Scotty were the only two kindergartens who were asked to test for the program.  Scotty is his favorite friend at school so it's making sense to me why he connects with him.  It must be that Scotty has the intellectual level that he appreciates or relates with.  David and I did allow the district to come test Porter again, so now I need to follow up with the district to see what they recommend.  We love Beacon and we love the convenience of it to our home.  If Porter were to go to another school, we'd have to drive him to/from daily and it would definitely create a new dynamic.  I'm definitely leaning towards leaving him at Beacon, but we'll see.

5/5/19

Today during Sacrament meeting there were several releases and sustainings.   I'm not sure why it struck me today, but I actually got pretty emotional as the names were being read.  I thought about each of these individuals.  Some who have served diligently and faithfully.  Their impact and example has been felt and seen.  There are being released either to move into new callings or because they are moving out of our ward.  Then I thought of all those being called to callings.  For some of them, I know the calling is out of their comfort zone, they may feel inadequate or wonder, why me?  Yet, they accept the call to serve and have faith that they will be sustained and able to fulfill the calling.  I then thought about each of us that play a role in building God's kingdom.  We do in different ways through different callings throughout our life.  Some of these callings seem like a more natural fit and others definitely stretch us and we don't know how we will or if we can do it.  I know I have definitely felt this with callings I have received in the past.  Yet, the Lord lifts us and helps us become more than we can on our own if we allow him.  There was a testimony born today by Brother Bleak.  He is currently serving in nursery, but was just called into the Sunday School Presidency.  He could be placed in probably any calling and rise to the occasion.  During his testimony he told of an experience he had with one of the nursery children.  She is deaf and communicates through sign language.  She kept trying to tell him something during nursery, but he didn't know what she was signing.  After nursery, Bro. Bleak asked her parents and they told him it was the sign for Jesus.  I was so touched by this story.  Not only because of the sweetness of this little girl, Kate Price, and the fact that she is being taught by her parents, but also because Bill was able to be a part of this experience because of the calling that he has.  This is how it goes with callings.  If we look for the blessing of a calling and seek for the good in it, we will find it.  Each calling we are given can bring us joy, even those callings that seem out of our comfort zone.  I am so grateful for this church.  I am grateful for the opportunities we are given to serve that help us become more like our Savior as we learn to serve as he did.

Weekend Fun (5/3/19-5/4/19)

We picked Porter up early from school so we could head out of town.  When the boys and I arrived to pick him up, he was in an assembly with the BYU Folk Dancers, so we ended up watching the rest of the assembly. It was incredible.  They performed dances from different countries and throughout they would periodically teach about plot, storyline, etc.  At the end they spoke about how even though we may be from different places, look different, talk different, etc, we are more alike than we think.  For some reason it really hit me and I cried.  Seriously, I cried in the middle of the assembly!  Good thing Porter could not see me.  He might have been mortified.  During that speech I felt the spirit and I was grateful for the dancers and the message of hope/peace that they spread through their performance.

When we finally left, we picked up Dad and headed to McDonald's for lunch.  It was the boys choice.  After eating we took off for Park City so we could play at the bike park.  We ended up only spending about 30 min there, but it was still a lot of fun.  Mason and Jonas are a bit more adventurous than Porter.  Mason found a track that he went around and around on.  Every once in awhile you could hear his sweet squeals.  And Jonas really wanted to make it up an ramp, but it was super steep, so I had to help him up and then he rode down it.  Once Porter saw Jonas do it he had to try it too.
We played at a park after that and then headed to Zermatt in Midway to stay for the night.

The pool was calling our name, so after eating we headed to the pool.  The boys could play for hours.  Mason still clings onto David or I, but Porter swims and Jonas so badly wants to be without his life jacket.  He DOES NOT want to wear it.  Luckily the entire outdoor pool was shallow enough that he could stand on his tip toes and be above water, so he could go without his life jacket if he was by us.  He was much happier.  Lately he has started caring more and more if he looks cool in something.  And a life jacket just does not look cool.

Zermatt has a free carousel, so we took the boys over there to ride.  Of course there was protesting on Porter's part because he only wanted to swim, but not surprisingly, he loves riding the carousel.  Both Jonas and Porter had to take a turn on the "sabertooth tiger".

We headed back to the pool for more swimming before heading back to our room and watching a movie for about 45 minutes before bed.  We all slept well that night.

Today we went back to the pool for more swimming before we headed home.  We ran into someone that we had known in Boston, Collette Call.  It was fun to catch up and see what her and her family are up to.  They currently live in Park City.
Porter practiced diving for swim goggles, Jonas worked on floating on his back and Mason clung to David or I :).  I did get him to hold my hands and kick his feet for a bit and jump in to me.

After checking out of the hotel we headed over to see the crater at the Homestead.  Porter and Jonas are very worried that there might be a megaladon in it, so we had to ask one of the swimmers if they saw anything. They reassured us that there was no megaladon.  We hiked up to the top to look down into it and then headed back home.

As soon as we got home we headed to Porter's soccer game.  Porter loves to play defense. He isn't often found trying to score, but he can be found blocking the other team.  Today when it was his turn to throw the ball in, he actually made the first contact with the ball.  You aren't actually supposed to kick it or throw it in to yourself!  His team is pretty good and they often win, although they aren't supposed to be keeping track.  Porter and a few other kids on the team ALWAYS know the score.

This afternoon David put the swings up in the backyard hanging from a tree.  I was reminded how much I love our backyard.  It is shaded and so much cooler than being in the sun.  The boys swung and we played a little bit of baseball.  Mainly we threw the ball to each other and took turns hitting.

Tonight we headed up Millcreek Canyon with the Zech's and the Davis' for dinner and hanging out.  The boys all hiked up a hill with David.  I guess some of the other kids turned back because it was too steep, but our boys along with Ivy Davis kept going.  David said Mason was really good and he just followed Porter and Jonas wherever they went.  There was even a part David wasn't going to climb up, but Mason did the whole thing.  It's probably good I wasn't there, because I'm sure I would have been telling them to come back down and not go up there.  Dad lets them do way more fun things than me.  They explored the camp ground and sat by the river.  I love getting the boys out to enjoy nature.  It is so refreshing and it wears them out and gets them good and ready for bed.  After a bath they all crashed.

This weekend was just what our family needed.  Time to leave all the work at home behind and play together.  I love where we live.  There is so much to do right around us.  While we were in Midway, we were talking about how beautiful it is.  I'm sure we'll be back there again soon.

Tonight Porter informed Janessa and Celeste that when I have him take a bath by himself, he doesn't actually wash himself, he just hangs out in the bath.  Why am I not surprised?

5/2/19

All the boys ended up in my room last night.  David was on call.  Mason and Jonas started out there and around 4:30am Porter showed up.  Then Porter coughed for the next hour until I finally said him and I should get up.  We were all up by 6:30am.  There is something reassuring about having them all cuddled in my room, especially when David is working.

This morning I got to spend time reading with Porter.  He's currently reading, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."  So far he said this one has been boring because it's all been about getting ready for a wedding.  But when I started reading with him it started to get exciting again.  He loves the action and the drama.  I never read this series on my own, so it's been fun to read at least parts of it with him.  Usually for Mommy/Porter time we end up reading.  I love that he still lets me read to him.  I don't know how much longer that will last.

Today was a beautiful day, so Mason and Jonas and I decided to go for a walk.  These boys are so fun.  They both got out their bikes and helmets and we headed off.  Then we ran into a neighbor, so they ended up riding up and down our street.  Our street is pretty steep and they came pummeling down the street.  Kind of gives me a heart attack, but I loved watching how much fun they had.  Watching my boys play and have so much fun is one of my favorite things.  It was close to Porter's lunch time, so we decided to walk over to the school and say hello.  Porter gave the boys hugs and kisses and told them he loved them.  These are the moments when you'd think they love each other and always get along.  On our walk home, Jonas stopped to try and get butterflies to land on his arm.  It didn't happen, but when we were playing outside later today he was able to catch a ladybug and have it crawl on him.  He is so tender with animals and it ALMOST makes me want to get him a pet that he can really play with.  I'll have to think about it and see if there is a pet that would really work for him.

My goal is to focus more on the positive, sweet interactions with my boys, so I can remember how lucky I am and how much joy they bring me.

Getting rid of stuff/organizing and Porterisms (5/1/19)

Jonas and Mason help me load up to take things to DI.   They are both great helpers and loved getting to load stuff onto the DI truck.  Mason is recovering from being sick, So he snuggled up next to me and took a nap. Then Jonas came up to me later in the afternoon and said he just wanted some alone time and he laid it down with a blanket in the living room and took a nap also. I’m assuming he must be getting a little sick too.
When Porter came home Mason and him joined me outside organizing the loft above the garage. I’ve been meaning to do this but was waiting to see what we were going to do with the space. I realized I better do it sooner than later because I won’t be able to bend over much longer and it’s only going to get hotter up there.
It feels good to get rid of stuff and to start organizing things. We still have a long ways to go.
Porter had soccer pictures tonight and we had a little bit of a conflict trying to get him into a soccer uniform. He said he was not wearing cleats and he doesn’t like his soccer shorts. So, the compromise was that he wore jeans with his soccer shirt over his sweatshirt and his vans shoes. I give up on fighting him over things like this. Then on the way to pictures he was saying how he did not like how they made him pose.   He complained that they made him put his hands on his hips and his foot on the ball.   So when it was time for his individual shot and that is exactly how they post him I could not help but laugh out loud. He was pretty upset in the photo.
Then all the boys and I got to play on the playground and it is fun to watch them explore and Mason and Jonas get more brave at climbing higher on things. Mason would say. “Do you see me Mom?”
If it wasn’t so cold I would’ve stayed longer.

The first kick (4/1/19)

This is not an April Fools’ Day joke. I have actually felt the baby kick a couple of times today. It’s always reassuring when you start feeling something.

For April Fools’ Day I played a few tricks on the kids. I gave them eggs for breakfast which was actually vanilla yogurt with half a peach in it. Then I made them a pan of brown E’s (brownies).  Jonas had to then play that trick on David when he got home from work.  It’s fun to see them start enjoying stuff.

We learned about the priesthood keys during family home evening.  The boys were engaged and listened and seemed to want to learn.  That’s always a win!

Finding Joy in Motherhood (4/30/19)

There are times that are extremely hard as a mother.  And then there are moments or even extended periods of time that are rewarding and downright pleasant.  I think these times often get overshadowed by the harder moments.  Tonight during dinner, Mason was sleeping (he's sick) and Jonas had already left the table.  David, Porter and I remained for about 20-30 minutes talking just the three of us.  It was so enjoyable and actually pretty hilarious.  Porter was telling us about school and he is incredibly expressive as he talks about people and tells stories.  It is hard not to smile and laugh as we listened to the dramatic experiences of a 6 year old.  He told us he has a girl in his class and her last names sounds like "cheeto".  So, he would call her "cheeto" and she told him that was incorrect.  Then he said, her name is spelled "Shito".  David and I both agreed that "cheeto" was much better alternative.

Last Friday (4/26/19) Porter didn't have school, so we wanted to go do something fun.  We went to Jump Around Utah.  We played hard and Porter and I raced up the big slide.  I teased him that even as a pregnant lady I could beat him.  The only difference is that I can give my all for one attempt and he could keep going.  Then I got to take turns going down another slide with Mason and Jonas.  Laughing and relaxing with my boys is so worth it.  I've realized I do so much better with this when I am not home thinking of the millions of things I need/want to do.

In the afternoon we went to Gayle's for swimming, dinner and a movie.  The Mitchell's joined us for swimming.  It was a great day being together and enjoying each other.

Saturday (4/27/19) was another great day.  Porter had two parties and Jonas, Mason and I also joined him for the last one (Ollie's).  The weather was great and the boys loved playing outside.

We talked about the Book of Mormon and David asked the boys why the Book of Mormon was important.  Jonas said, "Because it teaches us about Jesus."  Jonas is so understanding and has a simple, pure faith.

Why is it so hard? (3/10/19)

 Over and over again I say I’m going to be more consistent with journaling. But the cyst consistency just doesn’t come. I know this is an important thing to do, so I will keep trying. Lately in the moments that I have to myself running or working at the house I’ve been listening to various podcasts or talks. My mind and my spirit are continually enlightened as I seek for good things to fill my mind or better myself.   The struggle with Porter continues. I love him dearly. But I feel battles constantly between us except those times when he has my undivided attention. He is growing up fast and I know the precious time that I can influence him the most  is diminishing. I have started this program positive parenting solutions to figure out what I can do and how I can change so that I can bridge the gap and help him to feel significant and loved and give him the power that he so desires in appropriate ways and boundaries. He likes to do his own thing and be independent,  yet he is still a little boy that needs love and approval.    I often wonder how I am screwing him up in my moments of frustration and outburst. At times I have said hurtful things and I don’t want him to ever think that I don’t adore him. I have found how weak the natural man is and I have let him overtake my spiritual strength.  Just like journaling I renew frequently to do better as a mother to these precious boys. I know that they have been sent to me for a reason and they’re important lessons that I need to learn from them and that there are parts of me that are important for teaching them to become who they need to be.   I love how unique they each are I have started doing mind body soul time with each of them. I attempt to do it daily and it is time that is individually set aside for each one of them with me alone. His time that I devote and focus on them doing whatever they want for at least 10 minutes daily. They each love this time. It is a special time.  I have realized how easy it is to let distractions creep into my time with them and I want them to know that they are significant and important that what they had to say and the thing that things that they like to do are of value to me.
 Mason is at an age right now where he just want to pick them up and squeeze them and kiss them. He has quite the personality and is a joy to be around and to watch play and interact. Jonas continues to be tender and thoughtful he makes you feel loved it is just a gift that he has. And Porter loves to learn.  He soaks up the stories of the Scriptures it has actually started having the desire to cook or bake.
It is helpful to have David as my partner as we raise them.  I can watch how he handle situations and how he interacts with the boys and use his gifts and his example to help me to change and become better. I can see other boys respond to him and recognize ways that I can change.

News!! (1/13/19)

Ilena... I know you're the only one that reads this besides me, so you are going to hear first hand and before almost everyone else.  David and I have been trying to have another baby for the past year.  But, it hasn't happened.  Every month I'm disappointed as I realize we'll have to wait and try again.  During this past year I have never had to focus so much on the process.  Throughout the waiting, I have been reminded that there is a great plan that I am not aware of.  Reflecting on the last year, there are a few things that make me realize I might have gone crazy with a newborn!  David became the Bishop and we have learned to transition.  Honestly, it has not been a bad transition, but I think it would have definitely been more challenging with a newborn.  Mason has become Mr. Independent which requires A LOT of supervision.  I can't imagine sitting down to nurse a baby and having to keep track of what he was doing, getting into or destroying. So, maybe when he's closer to three there will be less of that.  David rupturing his achilles and his recovery process would have been difficult with everything else going on.   Lastly, I still need to figure out how to parent better and minimize the outbursts and disrespect.
With all that being said, it finally happened!  I am pregnant.  I'll go in for my first pre-natal appt in a week and a half.  I think it's a girl.  Several years ago, while in the temple, a name came to mind that I would name a daughter.  This was before Mason was born, and then Mason wasn't a girl.  The name has stayed on my mind and then at the end of December David and  I were doing Sealings in the temple.  David jokingly looked and me and said, if we hear that name tonight, then I'll agree to naming our daughter it.  We've both been to the temple several times over  the years and I have not heard that name since.  But, of course, we heard it.  David was acting as a witness, so he saw the name before I heard it.  He looked up at me and I knew the name was coming up.  We both got a little emotional. 
Now, if I don't have a girl, it's okay.  Maybe she's on the other side waiting for us to raise her there. 

Last thing, today I had a lot of time to think about Faith in Christ.  How has mine been strengthened?  Then at church today the talks were on Faith, there was a muscial number, Peace in Christ, and the lesson in RS was on Elder Uchtdorf's talk, "Believe, Love, Do".  I realized that my faith in Christ grows daily as I seek Him.  When I listen to the words of hymns or church music I listen to find Him.  When I go to church and listen to the lessons and talks, I listen to find Him.  Moments with my boys at home,  I listen to find Him.  When I look around this world, I look to see Him.  He is everywhere when I am open to Him.  My boys laugh because I cry often and freely.  I cry reading the Friend Magazine with them.  I cry bearing my testimony.  I cry listening to music or signing songs to them.  The Holy Ghost is real and there.  I love Christ.