On my own

These last few days have been my first real taste of being a mother of two.  David went back in service.  It actually hasn't been too bad, besides no sleeping  in:(.  I have been figuring it out and feel great.  

Porter and I made hearts to decorate the window.

Fixing stuff.

Contemplating life.

Playing with his new bells.  He calls them eardrums when he puts them on like this.

I should not pump in front of him:).  He does have proper placement.

Play date with friends.

We love Gayle.

Playing with play dough....again.

Getting fresh air.

Happy One Month Birthday!

Sweet baby Jonas is one month today.  How time flies!  He loves to be snuggled and sleeps the best next to me.  This will have to change, but for now I need my sleep:).  He tolerates tummy time pretty well and can lift his head and turn it side to side.  He is very alert when he's awake and is growing like a champ. I think he'll be out of newborn clothes soon.  His cephalahematoma is pretty much gone, so his head looks round!  I am pretty sure he smiles and flashes his right sided dimple.

He is a gassy baby, but fortunately his bowels are not nearly as active as Porter's were.  I remember Porter peeing and pooping out ALL the time.  And having accidents when he was getting changed.  My his rarely ever happens with Jonas which means way less laundry!!!

Jonas is a much quicker eater than Porter.  He is generally done nursing in 15-20 min.  He will take a bottle and a pacifier sometimes.

We sure love him.

Graham crackers

Porter and David had the following conversation:

P: Graham crackers

D: No graham crackers.  Let's talk about it. Let's figure out something else.

P: No talk about.  No something else.  Graham crackers.

Play, play, play

David has been updating me with photos of Porter's AZ adventures.  He is doing way better at taking pictures than I am... I better work on that.  We need more pictures of Jonas. He is already getting bigger. His cheeks are filling out.  I swear he smiles at me with his right sided dimple and his cephalahemata is re absorbing and shrinking. Yeah! 

Porter has been digging holes, jumping in the trampoline, playing with cousins and aunts and uncles and I'm sure loving every second.

4 Generations Apart

David took Porter to see his great grandpa, Grandpa Tryon.

Porter is having a blast in AZ.

 While they are away, Jonas and I are keeping busy.  We went on a walk, had a play date with Katie and Betsy Curtis, talked with an old friend and cleaned.  I hope we can keep busy the rest of the weekend so the time goes fast until the other boys get home.

Miss him already

David took Porter to AZ for a trip to give me a break and to take advantage of the last time Porter can fly free.  I was sad all day thinking about him leaving and I miss him so much.  The house is way too quiet.

Just playing with stickers.

Porter teaching Jonas about animals during tummy time.  Jonas is going to know A LOT of stuff because of his big brother.

Figured out how to keep his own pacifier in.  He is smart and strong just like his older brother.  During tummy time he can lift up his head and turned it from left to right.

Testing out his old car seat... Yep, still too big.

Some of my favorite Porter sayings and some regulars:

Don't like it.

Porter do it.

No way.

Handle off.  (In reference to the handle on his bedroom door if he comes out when it's bedtime or nap time.)

Snuggle momma.

Baby Jonas.

Gross. (He may have learned that from me.)

Move it.

Hold you. (When he wants you to hold him).

Play trucks.

Play play dough.

Color. (Pronounced: culer)
Not sorry.  (this is a new one.)
Play.... (insert name of person he wants to play with him)
Happens.
Secret.

I'll add more as I think of them.  For now I'm exhausted.

Struggling

I don't remember struggling as much as I am now when Porter was born.  Everything will be going fine and then I find myself crying and sad.  David has been around a lot to help with Porter and around the house.  It has been a great blessing, but it has also left me feeling sad as I watch my relationship with Porter change.  That little man was my buddy day in and day out, but now we never have one on one time.  I don't put him down for naps or bed anymore.  I'm not the one who usually gets up with him at the crack of dawn anymore (it's crazy that I am sad about this one:)).  David now mans mealtime and outdoor playtime.  Transitioning my love and attention to caring for two boys is so much harder than I'd anticipated.  Time with the two and regularity to our lives will help me to figure out how to balance and create a new normal.  My heart is just a little broken now. 

I do love our little Jonas and we are getting lots of bonding time, I just miss Porter.  

The floor

The other day I peeked in at Porter napping and found him like this:

And while Jonas does tummy time, Porter wants to join in.  It's pretty funny until it turns violent.  There may have been some baby kicking involved.

Thankful

We have been so blessed these last few weeks.  People have volunteered to babysit, dropped off dinners out of the blue and also after signing up, brought us homemade bread and jam, brought gifts for the baby and Porter, visited and kept me company, offered their professional advice (lactation consults), etc etc.  It has been amazing to see people in action and is a great reminder of how nice it feels to be served and how I want to serve in the future.

More visitors and a Birthday celebration

I haven't gotten out much these last few weeks, but we have been blessed with lots of visitors, so that makes being at home much more bearable.  This past weekend Aunt Melissa came to town so Aunt Ashcame up to visit too.  And Aunt Gayle has been coming over lots lately, so she was here too.

David turned 39 last week!  Gayle came and watched the kiddos so we could go out to lunch.  It was nice to get out and it's been a long time since we've had a date.  

Then last night we had a small birthday party for David.

Adjusting

Porter is going to think that having a new baby means everyone brings him presents.  He has been spoiled.  

He got his first laboratory set and white lab coat from our great friends Vince and Kristin.  He loves it and we haven't even done an experiment yet!

Porter definitely is feeling the loss of total attention and has been acting out and wanting constant attention.  It breaks my heart.  I love him to pieces.  Fortunately he is still really sweet with Jonas.  And, David has been giving him lots of attention.  Best buddies.

2 week checkup

Jonas is 7 lbs, 11 oz and 53cm long.  He's growing nicely.  With breastfeeding I always wonder if they're getting enough, so obviously weight gain is reassurance.

Faith

David has been teaching Porter about faith.  They have a little saying, "Don't see it, but true."  Porter usually just says, "Don't see it."

I love hearing him talk and watching him learn.  

He says everything.  He is saying 3+ word sentences and has started talking to himself as he plays.  I wish I could freeze him at this age.  I love it.

This kid also knows his ABC's almost perfectly and can count to 10 with a little help.  He is our boy genius:).

Introducing Jonas Keith Bailly- Birth Story and Subsequent Events

**Pictures at the bottom.

After waiting and waiting to go into labor naturally, my Dr scheduled me to be induced at 41 weeks on 12/31/14.  I was grateful to finally see an end to pregnancy, but mad, disappointed and sad that my parents would be flying out early on the 1st and may not even get a chance to meet our little guy.  My induction was scheduled for 8:30 am, but the day of they kept pushing back my appt until finally they told me I could come in at 1 pm.

Porter, Ash and Dad took me to the hospital and David planned on meeting me there.  For weeks leading up to this day I had tried to prepare Porter for what would happen.  I wanted him to know where I would be and what would be happening.  The morning of, Porter knew something was going on and cried and threw tantrums.  It was extremely frustrating and sad.  On the way to the hospital he was crying and we just held hands.  I of course started crying too.  This was the last time with my little man.  Fortunately I knew he would be in good hands.  Ash and Dad knew exactly how to help him calm down once they dropped me off.  They took him to see lots of trucks.  That did the trick.

I was admitted to the hospital around 1 pm.  The Pitocin was started at about 2:10 pm.  I dilated to 3cm+ and 70% effaced.  I guess this is a good point to start induction.  David was on call in the CICU and we figured he should just keep his call and if anything happened, he had someone lined up for backup.  So around 3:30 pm he went over to the CICU to get sign out.  Around 4:30 pm the resident came in to check me and I was dilated to 4+cm and 80% effaced, so not a whole lot of progress.  She asked if I wanted my water broken and I said sure.  With Porter I already had the epidural once my water broke, so this experience was quite different.  First of all, it's not painless to have your water broken :).  Next time I'll make sure to have the epidural before they break my water.  Little did I know that once the water broke things would drastically progress.  As soon as she broke my water and walked out the door, my contractions dramatically increased in intensity.  I quickly became more uncomfortable and in pain.  David was back and doing all he could to keep me distracted.  At this point I didn't know how much more I had progressed, but I decided I was ready for the epidural.  The nurse notified the anesthesiologist and they came in to consult me and tell me that there were two people ahead of me.  Bummer.  It was Deja vu from my consult during Porter's birth.  The anesthesiologists rambles on and I just want them to stop talking and start the epidural.  

A little while later the anesthesiologists are finally there to place the epidural.  By now I am in a lot of pain during contractions and am going to "another" place to deal with the pain.  They have me sit on the side of the bed to determine placement and while they are doing this David asks if there is something quick acting they can administer for the pain since it'll still take a little bit for the epidural to kick in.  The nurse administers Fentanyl and literally right after she pushes it I say, "I have to poop."  The magic phrase for, "You better check me.... I'm having this baby now."  The nurse quickly has me lie back down to check me and I am complete.  This baby is coming now and not waiting for me to get an epidural.  The Dr is called in and I am pushing and having this baby within 5 minutes.  The pushing is not nearly as bad as the contractions and I was much more productive with my pushing than with Porter because I could actually feel it.  Jonas was born within 10 min.  55 min after my water was broken.

Jonas was born at 5:36 pm on 12/31/14.  He weighed 7 lbs, 8 oz and was 20.5 inches long. 

He had the cord wrapped around his neck twice and was probably experiencing some effects of the Fentanyl because he was blue and limp when he was delivered.  The resuscitation team was called in.  His first APGAR was 2, but fortunately after some CPAP (although David said it was done properly) and some nasal suctioning, he let out a big cry and I knew he would be okay.  His second APGAR was much better, a 9.

The next couple of hours went well.  My Mom, Dad and Ash were able to come visit and meet baby Jonas.  I was feeling great and everything seemed to be going well.  David took his call for the evening because we seemed to be settled in.

**Disclaimer: Graphic content related to postpartum hemorrhaging to come.

My nurse, Andrea, had gone over the reasons why I should call her… feeling gushes of blood or expelling clots larger than a golf ball.  Well, later that evening, probably around 10 or 10:30 pm I felt the first gush of fluid.  I quickly called the nurse and she checked me.  She asked if I needed to go to the restroom, which I did, so she said to make sure to keep my bladder emptied because if I don’t it can inhibit the ability of the uterus to contract properly.  A little while later I felt another gush of fluid, so I called her again.  She checked me and didn’t seem to think it was too much blood, so she left the room again.  Literally about 10 minutes later I felt another gush of fluid.  I had to go to the bathroom again, so I debated whether or not I should call the nurse.  I decided I would call and let her know, but find out what she wanted me to do in the future if I did need to go to the bathroom also.  She sent in the CNA to check me out.  The CNA didn’t really know what exactly she was looking for and what was considered too much blood loss.  I went to the bathroom and then I expelled a large clot.  Probably about the size of a small orange.  Not normal, I knew.  I showed the CNA and she quickly went to get the nurse.  When Andrea came back in, she looked at the clot and had me get back in bed.  She massaged my uterus and then I could feel gushes of blood and clots coming out of me.  Kind of a surreal feeling.  I never felt fear, but I knew this was not normal.  Andrea told me what would happen if she had to call a hemorrhage and sure enough within a minute or so she said, “I don’t want to do this, but I have to call a hemorrhage”.  A postpartum hemorrhage is considered a CODE, so the room quickly filled with nurses and Dr’s.  This all happened around 11:23 pm.  I know because the Dr. made a note of the time and said they’d be out of there by midnight.  He might have thought that would be reassuring, but to me I just kept thinking, “I have to endure this for 35 more minutes.”  Everyone was calm, efficient and professional.  Everyone knew their role and went to work.  Dr. Nance was the 4^th year OB resident on call.  He was extremely patient and explained everything that was going to be happening.  Unfortunately no amount of explaining can prepare you for someone to stick their arm up to their elbow into your uterus and then scrape around inside.  It was the most unnatural, painful thing I have ever experienced.  I went through labor with no epidural and this was by far worse.  During labor I was silent, but during this procedure I was moaning and I’m pretty sure I told the Dr. that he had to stop. 

A baby is supposed to come out of you.  That feels right.  An arm is not supposed to go up inside of you and scrape around.  That feels so wrong.

I was given more IV Pitocin, 1 IM shot of Methergine and 4 IM shots of Hemabate followed by a 24 hour series of Methergine in order to get my uterus to contract.  My nurse said she had never seen so many uterotonics administered and she had never felt a uterus so small after delivery.  I guess they really wanted to make sure that my uterus would contract down and there wouldn’t be a repeat hemorrhage.  I am so grateful the medications worked.  I don’t know if I could bear another clot evacuation.

A catheter was also placed to keep my bladder emptied.  To be honest, I was nice not to have to get up and go to the bathroom.  By this point I was so exhausted and weak.

You might ask why no pain meds were given.  Well, during the second uterine sweep, they did finally give some morphine, but by then it was too late.  I had already endured the pain somehow.  So, now I just had to deal with the after effects of the morphine which consisted of throwing up for the next several hours every time I tried to eat or drink anything.

I spent the rest of the night shivering, throwing up and coughing.  I was so thirsty and just wanted to drink apple juice.  The nurse said I needed to limit my apple juice intake since I would drink it and throw it up, but I couldn’t help myself.  I was obsessed with drinking and wanted it so bad.  I would beg David to give me more.  It was actually kind of funny.

During this same period Jonas had a temperature drop that caused him to go to the nursery and be put under the warmer for 2 hours to help raise his body temperature.  I was actually so grateful for this because I was in condition to hold him or feed him.  My body was exhausted and I needed some rest. 

Jonas also had a few periods of troubled breathing related to swelling in his nose caused by the previous nasal suctioning.  As the swelling went down, he did much better breathing, especially while eating.  Initially he would desat to the mid 80’s while feeding and was extremely fussy.

But, by Thursday afternoon we were all doing better.  Yeah!  We were well taken care of and I am so grateful for all of those involved in our care.  I am also so grateful that David was there.  We realized we are a good team and that we really do need each other.  And, I am pretty sure that there were angels watching over Jonas and me.   

We stayed another night at the hospital just to make sure everything was okay.  And, it gave us time to decide on a name.  Our list of possibilities included:

Lincoln

Wyatt

Ezra

Benson

Miles

And on Thursday, 1/1, David brought up the name Jonas.  It was not initially on the list of final contenders, but as we both looked at our little boy, the name Jonas just seemed to fit.  We decided to sleep on it before committing. 

On Friday, 1/2 we filled out the birth certificate paperwork and decided to name our sweet boy, Jonas Keith Bailly.  Keith is his paternal grandfather’s name and David’s middle name.  We wanted to have a family name.   I hope that Jonas will grow up to be just like his dad.  We need more good men in this world and Porter and Jonas are blessed to have one of the best as their dad. 

Pre labor.

Preparing to suction.

A good healthy cry.

Post delivery.

Love.

First weight check.  7 lbs, 8 oz.

Hello world.  

Grabbing my hand.  He already knows his Momma.

Meeting Mimi.  He grabbed her hand.  He must have known she was leaving the next morning.

Meeting Papa.

Meeting Aunt Ash.

Meeting big brother.  Porter loves him already.

Porter and I were so excited to see each other.  I saved him some chocolate milk and apple juice for a treat.

Our sweet family.  Who knew a couple of years ago that we would have two adorable boys and our life would be so richly blessed.

His dimple.

Sporting the same outfit Porter wore home from the hospital.

We are so proud of our newest addition and ready to take him home.